I posted this, then pulled it because I was not certain that the quality of the gags justified the prurience. But that was a bit wimpy, so I have put it up again and left it to others to decide whether it is funny or I am just a perv.
INT. CONVENT. DAY.
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR AND A NOVICE ARE WALKING IN THE CLOISTER.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
And you believe you are ready to put aside worldly things and take your vows?
NOVICE
It is my deepest wish.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Then I welcome you to this House of Christ.
NOVICE
Thank you. I feel so at peace.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
God bless you child.
NOVICE
So when does all the lesbian sex start?
MOTHER SUPERIOR
I beg your pardon?
NOVICE
The girl-on-girl action? Do you get first go?
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Dear Mother of God!
NOVICE
It's okay, you're a bit of a MSILF.
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR LOOKS BAFFLED.
NOVICE (CONT.)
A Mother-Superior-I'd-Like-to-F**k.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Child, you're a bride of Christ now!
NOVICE
It's okay, he can watch.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
The Lord Above sees everything.
THE NOVICE DIGS THE MOTHER SUPERIOR IN THE RIBS WITH HER ELBOW.
NOVICE
Dirty old sod!
MOTHER SUPERIOR
I can assure you you are mistaken if you think any unnatural acts are performed here.
NOVICE
Really? So what do you girls do to get your rocks off?
MOTHER SUPERIOR
If we are tempted with lascivious urges we lose ourselves in contemplation.
NOVICE
And that does the trick?
MOTHER SUPERIOR
If it does not we mortify the flesh.
NOVICE
How does that work?
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Well, we might scourge ourselves.
NOVICE
Whoa! That's not my scene!
MOTHER SUPERIOR
You misunderstand. Through punishing the flesh we cleanse ourselves of impure thoughts.
NOVICE
You bitches are too kinky for me. I'm outta here.
THE NOVICE LEAVES.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
What an extraordinary young woman. Hot though.
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR RUBS HER BREAST, THEN LOOKS STERN.
MOTHER SUPERIOR (CONT,)
Sister Francesca, could you fetch me my nipple clamps?
END.