INT. TV STUDIO.
A PRESENTER IS SAT BEHIND A LONG DESK. TO HER LEFT, STILL BEHIND THE DESK, ARE A MALE LABOUR POLITICIAN AND A FEMALE CONSERVATIVE POLITICIAN, DISTINGUISHED BY APPROPRIATE ROSETTES.
PRESENTER
So a disappointing night for the Conservatives?
CON
This election was Labour's to lose, and let's face it this has been a poor showing. Their campaign failed to excite the electorate, they peaked far too soon, and on the night the performance has been limp.
LAB
On the contrary, the Labour vote held up and stayed firm.
CON
Your majority is tiny!
LAB
It is perfectly adequate! Besides it is not the size, it is what you do with it.
CON
Labour have never known what to do with it.
LAB
The Tories fought a dirty, nasty campaign.
CON
At least we were frank about our intentions. We made a clean breast and exposed our policies.
LAB
Yes, and got soundly spanked. You bitch.
CON
Bastard.
THE CONSERVATIVE THROWS HERSELF INTO A PASSIONATE SNOG WITH LABOUR, GRAPPLING HIM OUT OF SIGHT BELOW THE DESK.
CON (OOV)
Gordon Brown is a Keynesian redistributive socialist.
LAB (OOV)
God, I love it when you talk dirty.
PRESENTER
(TURNING TO HER RIGHT) So what is the Liberal Democrat take on this?
TO HER RIGHT WE SEE A MAN IN A GIMP SUIT, WEARING A LIB DEM ROSETTE. HE MUMBLES SOMETHING INAUDIBLE.
END.
