Drone controllers

2 US DRONE CONTROLLERS ARE IN A BUNKER (DAN AND CHUCK) THE COLONEL WATCHES OVER THEM FROM BEHIND

COLONEL
Keep your eyes open guys, these armed drones are the only thing keeping the USA safe from these Godless religious fundamentalists.

DAN
We have Target Wiley Fox sighted, repeat the fox is in the bix..

CHUCK
I can't believe this.

DAN
I know 5 years scanning this arid desert from the skies and finally our wiliest foe made a mistake. Well it will be his last, arm hellfires.

CHUCK
No. Over there, that dog over there looks just like mine zoom in on it.

DAN
I will not. Grow up. This is our chance to end the war on terror with one push of a button.

CHUCK
Your no fun. I miss Chester.
TAPPING THE SCREEN
Who's a good boy? You are yes you are.

DAN
God damn it that dog is a 1000 miles away. It's probably got rabies and in Al Quaeda it'd bite your American nuts clean off.

CHUCK
Naw Chester's a good dog. Hey I can see why you want to launch. That woman with an AK looks just like your girl.

DAN
What the hell are you talking about? She's wearing a Burqa.

CHUCK
Oh c'mon you know what I mean. Baby got back, hell baby got front back and sides.

DAN
Heythat's my girl you're ragging on. She just put some weight on after she had the twins.

CHUCK
Put on some weight? She's like the love child of a humpback whale and a manatee.

DAN
Colonel! We've got you know who in oursights. And Chuck just keeps saying my girl looks like some sand jockey in a bin bag.

COLONEL
Chuck you're here to make Ayrabs into Muja-has-beens not dick around...holyshit! Does your girl look like that? You must roll the moose in flour and look for the wet spot.

DAN
You bastard I hope someone sticks an IED in your crapper.

PHONE RINGS COLONEL ANSWERS IT

COLONEL ON PHONE
Hello this is drone station Alpha you've got some information from the Brits. MI6 can confirm Dan's Girl has indeed eaten all the pies.

DAN
Screw you all.

COLONEL
You know Chuck that really looks like your dog.

CHUCK
And I thought he was such a good boy.

CHUCK
Put on some weight? She's like the love child of a humpback whale and a manatee.

DAN
Colonel! We've got you know who in oursights. And Chuck just keeps saying my girl looks like some sand jockey in a bin bag.

COLONEL
Chuck you're here to make Ayrabs into Muja-has-beens not dick around...holyshit! Does your girl look like that? You must roll the moose in flour and look for the wet spot.

I liked those lines in particular, nice funny stuff but I had trouble understanding the whole gist of the sketch.

I thought it was inventive, and I kind of understand what was going on.
But I had to think about it too much, it was all a bit too confusing.
Some funny lines in there nonetheless.

Thanks guys, but it's the dogthat's the problem isn't it?

I liked the most part of it and as said, there were some good lines in there.

Bit confusing, did the dog end up shagging the fat bird?

This is good. I have suggested some trims and changes, to make it read more cleanly (and added a bit more punctuation).

Quote: sootyj @ August 14 2009, 12:16 PM BST

2 US DRONE CONTROLLERS ARE IN A BUNKER (DAN AND CHUCK) THE COLONEL WATCHES OVER THEM FROM BEHIND

COLONEL
Keep your eyes open guys, these armed drones are the only thing keeping the USA safe from these Godless religious fundamentalists.

DAN
We have Target Wiley Fox sighted, repeat the fox is in the bix.. box?

CHUCK
I can't believe this.

DAN
I know. 5 years scanning this arid desert from the skies and finally our wiliest foe made a mistake. Well it will be his last, arm Hellfires. presumably a type of missile - I think it is clesr from context.

CHUCK
No. Over there, that dog [cut]looks just like mine. Zoom in on it.

DAN
I will not. Grow up. This is our chance to end the war on terror with one push of a button.

CHUCK
Your no fun. I miss Chester. on first reading this, I thought Chester was Dan's predecessor, rather than the dog.
TAPPING THE SCREEN
Who's a good boy? You are yes you are.

DAN
God damn it, that dog is a 1000 miles away. It's probably got rabies and in Al Quaeda it'd bite your American nuts clean off. This line is a bit untidy

CHUCK
Naw Chester's a good dog. Hey, [cut] that woman with an AK looks just like your girl.

DAN
[cut She's wearing a Burqa.

CHUCK
Oh c'mon you know what I mean. Baby got back, hell baby got front back and sides.

DAN
Hey [cut]. She just put some weight on after she had the twins.

CHUCK
Put on some weight? She's like the love child of a humpback whale and a manatee. probably a mistake to go for two marine mammals - perhaps, something like 'Oprah Winfrey and a humpback whale'

DAN
Colonel! We've got you know who in oursights. And Chuck [cut]keeps saying my girl looks like some sand jockey in a bin bag.

COLONEL
Chuck you're here to make Ayrabs into Muja-has-beens, not dick around...holyshit! Does your girl look like that? You must roll the moose in flour and look for the wet spot.

DAN
You bastard I hope someone sticks an IED in your crapper. no idea what an IED is- and in this case it is not clear from context

PHONE RINGS COLONEL ANSWERS IT

COLONEL ON PHONE
Hello this is drone station Alpha you've got some information from the Brits. MI6 can confirm Dan's Girl has indeed eaten all the pies.

DAN
Screw you all.

COLONEL
You know Chuck that really looks like your dog.

CHUCK
And I thought he was such a good boy.

View original

Added most of your suggestions.

Thanks

Quote: sootyj @ August 14 2009, 12:16 PM BST

2 US DRONE CONTROLLERS ARE IN A BUNKER (DAN AND CHUCK) THE COLONEL WATCHES OVER THEM FROM BEHIND

COLONEL
Keep your eyes open guys, these armed drones are the only thing keeping the USA safe from these Godless religious fundamentalists.

DAN
We have Target Wiley Fox sighted, repeat the fox is in the box.

CHUCK
I can't believe this.

DAN
I know 5 years scanning this arid desert from the skies and finally our wiliest foe made a mistake. Well it will be his last, arm hellfire missiles.

CHUCK
No. Over there, that dog over there looks just like mine zoom in on it.

DAN
I will not. Grow up. This is our chance to end the war on terror with one push of a button.

CHUCK
Your no fun. I miss Chester he had such a wet nose.
TAPPING THE SCREEN
Who's a good boy? You are yes you are.

DAN
God damn it that dog is in a desert a 1000 miles away . I bet it's got rabies and a terrorist. You wanna pet him? He'd bite your American nuts clean off.

CHUCK
Naw Chester's a good dog. Hey I can see why you want to launch. That woman with an AK looks just like your girl.

DAN
What the hell are you talking about? She's wearing a Burqa.

CHUCK
Oh c'mon you know what I mean. Baby got back, hell baby got front back and sides.

DAN
Hey that's my girl you're ragging on. She just put some weight on after she had the twins.

CHUCK
Put on some weight? She's like the love child of a humpback whale and a manatee.

DAN
Colonel! We've got you know who in our sights. And Chuck just keeps saying my girl looks like some sand jockey in a bin bag.

COLONEL
Chuck you're here to make Ayrabs into Muja-has-beens not dick around...holyshit! Does your girl look like that? You must roll the moose in flour and look for the wet spot.

DAN
You bastard I hope someone blows the crap out of your crapper whilst you're crapping.

PHONE RINGS COLONEL ANSWERS IT

COLONEL ON PHONE
Hello this is drone station Alpha you've got some information from the Brits. MI6 can confirm Dan's Girl has indeed eaten all the pies.

DAN
Screw you all.

COLONEL
You know Chuck that really looks like your dog.

CHUCK
And I thought he was such a good boy.

View original