British Comedy Guide

Politically correct sketch about deities.

SATAN IS SITTING ON A TV SET PRACTISING HIS LINES FROM A SCRIPT

SATAN
Ha Jesus you think you've nailed it but they nailed you...to a cross! Jesus who writes this crap, Jesus Christ they don't pay me enough, ah Jesus!

KHALI WALKS ON WITH A SCRIPT.

KHALI
Allo darlin'

SATAN
You're not Jesus!

KHALI
Yeh what gave it away was it the blue skin? Or the 8 arms? You muppet.

SATAN
Look I'm sorry but I've been doing these chummy chats with Jesus since the birth of sketch comedy, it was referred to in Dante's Divine Comedy.

KHALI
Look petal it's all got to change, the union wasn't happy. 2 white blokes from a Judeo-Christian tradition it's not very representative is it?

SATAN
But this isn't going to work. I mean the whole point of the Satan Christ double act is we're good and evil, we can't both be evil.

KHALI
I'm not evil.

SATAN
You're the 8 armed godess of death!

KHALI
You are just ignorant. I'm the godess of rebirth and death ain't I? I'm a martyr to others ignorance, the ladies only had 2 tampons and I've got 8 fannies.

KHALI HANDS SATAN A SCRIPT

SATAN(READING)
I am the prince of temptation!

KHALI
Not very tempting your tale looks limp! Eh girls know what I mean.

SATAN
I've had enough I'm leaving. I remember the good old days when women in sketch comedy were bossy mother in laws or that sexy bird with the tits off Python.

KHALI
Good riddance you dinosaur!

SATAN STORMS OFF.

SATAN
Yeh there's always Channel 5, I could be a chav wrangler on Jeremy Kyle.

SATAN LEAVES.

KHALI
Great now who's going to represent supreme evil in this sketch?

MOHAMMED WALKS ON.

MOHAMMED
Is this the Jesus and Satan sketch?

KHALI
Awkward!

This doesn't work for me, I'm afraid. A few decent lines - Kali sounds almost Chavvy when she speaks, which I like, but it's hardly politically correct (nor is misspelling her name! :)) and my understanding is that it's the God Shiva who is primarily associated with the cycle of destruction as a positive force, as it leads to rebirth.

Sorry Soots. This feels like you were inspired to write it, but it hasn't baked in the cerebral oven long enough, I'm afraid.

Yeh too many ideas I may have another pop.

Quote: sootyj @ August 13 2009, 10:02 PM BST

Yeh too many ideas I may have another pop.

I would do. I think you still work in topical sketch speed sometimes.

I liked it, and the reference to mine too.

Your mind works way to fast Soot.

Enjoyed, some good lines.

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