Euthanasia is Funny

INT. CLINIC. DAY.

DOCTOR (SWISS ACCENT)
Mr Johnson, I'd like to explain the procedure to you before we get started. First, we'll administer five grams of sodium pentothal, that's a very strong painkiller which should make things a little easier for you. We follow that with 100 milligrams of pancuronium bromide, which causes paralysis in the respiratory system. But you will be in a chemical coma by then and will not feel a thing. Finally, an injection of potassium chloride, which stops the heart. Then you can be in peace at last. Do you have anything you'd like to say?

PATIENT
No... no, I'm ready to go.

DOCTOR
Very well.

PATIENT
Oh, wait, there was one thing I forgot to ask when I was filling out all those forms. What's your refund policy?

DOCTOR
Refund policy? I don't understand.

PATIENT
Well, these Swiss euthanasia clinics aren't cheap. I was just wondering what happens if you kill me and then I change my mind. Can I get a refund?

DOCTOR
Well, no.

PATIENT
Why not?

DOCTOR
You'll be… on the other side.

PATIENT
And if I don't like it there, could I come back and get a refund? Or perhaps exchange it for something of equal value?

DOCTOR
Like what?

PATIENT
I don't know… a couple of amputations?

DOCTOR
Mr Johnson, this is an end-of-life clinic. We do not perform amputations. I thought you fully understood what you were asking us to do. You have untreatable cancer…

PATIENT
Eczema.

DOCTOR
What?

PATIENT
I have untreatable eczema.

DOCTOR
You told us you had cancer.

PATIENT
Oh, did I tick the wrong box again? I'm always doing that.

DOCTOR
Mr Johnson, there's clearly been some kind of mistake here. I think you should maybe just go home and forget all about this.

PATIENT
No, no, I don't think so. It took months to collect all that money. And there was all that tiresome business at the Court of Appeals… No, I'm ready. Let's get on with it.

DOCTOR
Are you certain?

PATIENT
Yes. I'm ready to go.

DOCTOR
Okay…

PATIENT
(SCREAMS)

DOCTOR
What now?

PATIENT
You didn't say anything about needles!

END

Enjoyed

First paragraph's very long, but the rest is very well put together.

The refund bit isn't really necessary and is a bit away from the rest of the sketch -- could just do the mix-up bit and leave the whole 'refund' thing for another sketch another day.

In summary, very good though.

Dan

Love it... especially the amputations line

Yes the amputations line was my favourite, loved it, could make a small series of sketches with this idiot in them

Thanks guys.

Nice sketch.

Excelent neat and clever, funny great quickly identifiable characters.

Good length. Mostly snappy dialogue. Enjoyed the flow and at punch.

Opening para is a little long but apart from that it's a great idea, implemented well.

Agree its a very good sketch with some brilliant lines but I think its a bit flabby round the edges. A bit of tightening and it will be a top notch sketch.