Hi all, here's a sketch I wrote a couple of months back but never really did anything with it. Didn't think Newsrevue/Treason/Newsjack would be interested.
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A BIG FUCK-OFF OFFICE WITH GOLD DISCS ON THE WALL. A HIGH-POWERED RECORD COMPANY EXEC IS SAT AT HIS DESK. THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
BOSS: Come the f**k in.
EMINEM ENTERS
EMINEM: Yo Steve Berman!
BOSS: Sit down Marshall.
EMINEM: Hokay....
BOSS: Now Marshall - gotta say I love the new album. It's some good shit - a crazy-ass comeback !
EMINEM: Glad you liked it - I thought it was pretty dope myself.
BOSS: I just have one problem with it.
EMINEM: Oh - what's that?
BOSS: I'm not sure it was wise to let Dr Dre rap on it. I know he's been an important influence for you but it's just...well he's sounding a bit old.
EMINEM: Well I'm not sure about that - Dre's a legend in the rap game.
BOSS: Yes well all legends reach their sell-by date. Never mind 'Forgot About Dre', Dre's so old he's probably forgets himself!
EMINEM: I still think he sounds pretty fresh.
BOSS: Are you kidding me? Look at the lyrical content. This track 'Pills and Pussy' - I thought it was a typical gangster anthem - turns out it's about arthritis and cats.
EMINEM: I think he's done some of his most mellow work on this album!
BOSS: Mellow? I'll say! Was he in his rocking chair by any chance? It's humiliating! The man who once screamed 'F**k the Police' is now rapping about ringing the cops cos some teengers looked at him funny.
EMINEM: Alright so he's getting on a bit - but you have to respect his flow.
BOSS: No Em it's just not going to work. You know we love your stuff but we're just very concerned about the elderly slant of Dre's lyrical content. Look at some of these rhymes...
(PICKS UP PAPER SHEET TO RECITE SOME OF DRE'S LYRICS)
'Obama in charge, gonna rule the black nation, hopefully he can pay for my hip operation.'
It goes on :
'Bitch at my crib, she wild like niagara, gonna f**k her ass off, someone pass the viagara.'
And the worst one of all: 'Tension on the streets, niggaz starting to unravel, But I ain't complaining, nigga got free bus travel.'
Awful! Simply awful.
EMINEM: OK maybe you're right - maybe Dre is sounding too old. I'll go back into the studio and look at cutting his parts.
BOSS: I think it's for the best. Oh and Marshall - see if you can lose 50 Cent as well.
EMINEM: What? 50 Cent's younger than me!
BOSS: I know - I just think he's a collosal prick.
