SOOTYJ IS DRIVING HIS MILK FLOAT ONCE AGAIN SMOKING A ROLLIE AND DRESSED ALA ROBERT ASQUITH.
SOOTYJ
Cor I hope get my end away I've got more cream in my plums than the back of this milk float.
HE SPYS A SIGN OUTSIDE A HOUSE IT READS
"Beware of the twat."
SOOTYJ
Either I put that sign up as part of my unsuccesful signage business or some bloke's trying to stop his missus playing away more than Hull city.
SOOTYJ FETCHES A PINT OF "Brut Karate weapons grade aftershave." OFF THE BACK OF THE MILK FLOAT AND POURS IT OVER HIS HEAD. HE THEN DIPS A COMB INTO A PINT OF HAIRGEL AND COMBS HIS HAIR BACK.
HE HEADS UP THE PATH TO THE HOUSE WHISTLING "Sugar Walls" IN A CHEERY 70S STYLE.
HE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR.
A BLOKE OPENS THE DOOR, HE LOOKS LIKE A BIG ENOUGH LOSER TO BE A LIB DEM BACK BENCHER
SOOTYJ
Nuts that kind of twat I'm going to have yank myself off into the soya milk.
BLOKE
Hello I like cheese, do you like cheese? I think cheese is really good but do you think has too much lactose?
SOOTYJ
I'm quite partial to dairylee.
BLOKE
Do you like spiders? I like spiders, but they have too many legs, but Charlotte's Web was ace. All the girls fancy me. Do you like spiders!?
SOOTYJ
Well they eat flies and I love getting my flies gobbled eh? eh?
BLOKE IS NOW RED FACED AND SCREAMING LIKE AN ANGRY 2 YEAR OLD BITTEN BY A BABOON.
BLOKE
Do you like sandwiches? I love sandwiches? But are sandwiches better than wraps? Are they? You fancy me don't you? Every one fancies me! Do you like sandwiches?!
SOOTYJ GLOWERS AT THE BLOKE IN A WAY THAT EXPRESS'S
"You are a silly attention person who asks lots of questions because you're scared of being ignored and actually have nothing to say."
A DELIVERY MAN WALKS UP THE PATH.
DELIVERY MAN
Punch line for Mr Sootyj.
SOOTYJ SIGNS
DELIVERY MAN HANDS SOOTYJ A SMALL BOX WHICH HE OPENS.
IT IS A SILVER BOX WITH A RED BUTTON SOOTYJ READS THE PLAQUE ON THE SILVER BOX.
"Acme ignore button."
BLOKE IS NOW SCREAMING LIKE A HOWLER MONKEY BEING PUNCHED IN THE PLUMBS.
BLOKE
"Do you? Do you? Every one fancies me! Do you? Fancy me!"
SOOTYJ PRESSES THE RED BUTTON.
A 500 TONNE WEIGHT DROPS ON BLOKES HEAD SQUASHING HIM FLAT. COVERING SOOTYJ'S MILK MAN UNIFORM IN BLOOD AND IGNORE.
SOOTYJ
You might be right Griff but you're paying for my drycleaning!
