Verminator

A THEATRE MANAGER IS TALKING TO AN EXTERMINATOR

THEATRE
So did you get them all?

EXTERMINATOR
Sure thing chief, I wouldn't worry all these old theaters end up with a vermin problem. Yours mate they were pretty advanced should have called me earlier.

THEATRE
Oh were they big?

EXTERMINATOR
Not just big, clever too the first one I had worked out how to open a fridge, sit on a chair and actually squealed "don't shoot me I work here."

THEATRE
Erm did it say anything else?

EXTERMINATOR
Yeh it said "put that shovel down you f**king psycho." Then I smacked him with it, must have learnt it like a parrot, funny thing is he looked like a small hairless monkey in clothes

THEATRE
Oh dear God you do realise we were putting on a pantomime of Snowwhite?

EXTERMINATOR
Tell you what these were clever rodents, didn't touch the traps or poison bait or nothing.

THEATRE
You dingbat! They were midgets you've tried to kill my 7 dwarves, except it sounds like you screwed it up thank God.

EXTERMINATOR
Nah mate never leave a job half done. I got out the old shotty, except I only had the Badger sized shells, your cleaners going to have a hell of a job.

THEATRE
You f**king psychopath you've just killed 7 midgets! Brian played an Ewok for God's sake. Equity are going to have a field day, this won't have been covered in their contracts.

EXTERMINATOR
Look mate I just followed your instructions. Noisy rodent infestation, nibbling stuff. When I went in the changing rooms they were eating sandwiches and rehearsing scripts.

THEATRE
You're a murderer a heartless Richard the 3rd with 7 innocent midgets, a MacBeth...

EXTERMINATOR
Do you want a refund then?

THEATRE
Actually no, have you got any shotgun shells left?

EXTERMINATOR
Why?

THEATRE
Chris Moyles is doing a meet the wanker evening tonight, plug that vermin and we'll call it even.

Interesting. I did like the twist in the middle, Badger sized shells is a cracking little line

Yeah, this isn't a bad piece, needs a little trim. I felt like there was the occasional bit of over-writing.

I reckon a pan at the beginning with a 'snow white' poster in the background would be a nice touch to.

Loved the 'he was a ewok' line =]

And the random, lets kill molyes, bit... Well, it gave me a chuckle.

Nice work =]

Hi SootyJ

I really like this one, very funny.
A good idea with some great lines.

Although this line didn't seem to fit when I read it

THEATRE
You're a murderer a heartless Richard the 3rd with 7 innocent midgets, a MacBeth...

It seemed a bit out of character with the previous dialogue.

I liked this Soot, some good lines that made me chuckle.

Could you have gone with the 7 dwarfs alot further?

Maybe, quoting them before they were shot, i.e

'This one little hairless monkey, seemed so grumpy, he couldn't care less about getting shot, yet another one was more than happy too'

Thanks I think this could sail with a bit of work. I just woke up and this sketch was there, so I think I'll work on it later.

Funny stuff Sootyj with nice dialogue suiting the Verminator's character well. It could be tightened up in places but it's a great idea.

Small bump

Really funny idea, only problem is that you can see where its going from the beginning, after the 'you f**king psycho' line.. Still brilliant

Sooty I love this one, apart from your reveal comes WAY too early (I bet you hear that all the time- OH SNAP).

You need to play the 'getting really advaced' thing out, ignoring the food and traps etc, and don't mention anything speaking until 3/4 of the way through.

Keep the badger line and the ewok one, they made me do happy smiles.

I think the idea of a pest control guy who can't tell the difference between dwarves and rats is great. Good work Sootyj.

Bo.

Great central premise although the dialogue could certainly use another lick. Seems a shame to bail out with a cheap shot at Moyles though (not arguing he doesn't deserve exterminating, mind).

Hmm thanks all it is dying for a better punchline.

Right about dialogue as well

Myabe if I did it diferently so theres a long run in before the reveal..?

Yeah try that man

Quote: sootyj @ September 10 2010, 2:53 PM BST

Hmm thanks all it is dying for a better punchline.

Right about dialogue as well

Myabe if I did it diferently so theres a long run in before the reveal..?

View original

Definitely. You wouldn't need to change too much- even the first one could keep the fridge and chair, just cut the midget speaking.