British Comedy Guide

One punch. But who?

I'm in a baaaad f**king mood and therefore have been fantasising a bit about punching a few people tonight. All good healthy fun. I must stress the word "fantasising" though...I'm a big pussycat nowadays and would never condone physical violence. What can I say, I've mellowed since my (ahem) "colourful" youth.

But still, the question remains;

If you were allowed just one (hypothetical) punch, who's face / testes / tits would you pummell? I'm gonna have to go for the Bush. Sorry, but Dubya still really boils my piss despite not being on the world stage anymore.

How about you? Go on, give it some.

Before anyone else gets in there, I'd like to punch Danny Cohen in the winkle please. Angry

Quote: Lee Henman @ August 1 2009, 1:57 AM BST

I'm gonna have to go for the Bush.

He's not far up the road from me. I wish he still drank because I'd like to have a beer with him. I spoke to him for about 15 minutes at a baseball game pre-presidential days and he was a really nice guy.

I know it sounds cliche, but I really want to punch my husband square in the face. I imagine that it'll feel fantastic and that this torrent of obscenity will spew from me and then I'll feel much better as I kick his ass to the curb. Sorry, sounds a bit bitchy.

Ok, how's about Glenn Beck, can't stand him either.

Quote: AndreaLynne @ August 1 2009, 2:19 AM BST

Ok, how's about Glenn Beck, can't stand him either.

I wouldn't even know who Glenn Beck was if it weren't for Glenn Beck haters. Sometimes I wonder why people give all the annoying political pundits (on both sides of the aisle) any attention at all. They feed off it.

Quote: AndreaLynne @ August 1 2009, 2:19 AM BST

I know it sounds cliche, but I really want to punch my husband square in the face. I imagine that it'll feel fantastic and that this torrent of obscenity will spew from me and then I'll feel much better as I kick his ass to the curb. Sorry, sounds a bit bitchy.

Errr

Quote: DaButt @ August 1 2009, 2:21 AM BST

I wouldn't even know who Glenn Beck was if it weren't for Glenn Beck haters. Sometimes I wonder why people give all the annoying political pundits (on both sides of the aisle) any attention at all. They feed off it.

My husband used to listen to him before he got popular. I just want to punch him cuz I'm sick of hearing about him.

Quote: AndreaLynne @ August 1 2009, 2:19 AM BST

Ok, how's about Glenn Beck, can't stand him either.

I think the US is very inclusive. In this country we don't tend to let people with severe mental and emotional disorders have their own political shows. Whereas you reach out to the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter. God bless America. :)

Yes, we take pleasure watching people make asses of themselves.

Oprah Winfrey, just for the hell of it.

She'd introduce me on her show, I'd come out to a big round of applause from the audience, Oprah would approach to give me a big hug and then...bam! I'd lay her out cold with a round house to the left cheek. I would then be the most famous person in the world.

Quote: AndreaLynne @ August 1 2009, 2:24 AM BST

My husband used to listen to him before he got popular. I just want to punch him cuz I'm sick of hearing about him.

Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, O'Reilly, Janeane Garafolo, Al Franken - they're all entertainers, not political know-it-alls and they just like to hear themselves speak. At least Franken ran for office, but it's wonderfully ironic that he won an election that so closely paralleled the endless weeks of recounts and contested votes that resulted in his nemesis George Bush getting elected in 2001.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ August 1 2009, 2:28 AM BST

Oprah Winfrey, just for the hell of it.

She'd introduce me on her show, I'd come out to a big round of applause from the audience, Oprah would approach to give me a big hug and then...bam! I'd lay her out cold with a round house to the left cheek. I would then be the most famous person in the world.*

*second only to Don.

Quote: DaButt @ August 1 2009, 2:29 AM BST

Janeane Garafolo

She gets a pass, but only because she was in The Larry Sanders Show.

Quote: Tim Walker @ August 1 2009, 2:31 AM BST

She gets a pass, but only because she was in The Larry Sanders Show.

She stunk up the most recent series of 24 so badly that my son and I held hands and prayed out loud for her character's death before every episode.

Quote: Tim Walker @ August 1 2009, 2:31 AM BST

She gets a pass, but only because she was in The Larry Sanders Show.

She was also very good in Mystery Men and the latest series of 24.

In my darkest fantasy, I'm on Mock the Week and Frankie Boyle talks over one of my witicisms and I just lose it and beat the Scots f**k into the ground. Dara O'Briain runs over, and for some reason, instead of stopping the fight, he joins in and starts kicking the bespectacled twat until he's a twitching bag of broken bones and swollen flesh.

Fuelled by our bloodlust, Dara and myself look at the assembled panel of shocked low grade stand ups and as if by instinct, we both look over at Blinky McMuppetface. I jump on Dara's shoulders and we charge at Russell Howard like a four fisted Irish giant full of spit and venom.

We let Andy Parsons live, but just so he could tell others of our deeds.

Quote: DaButt @ August 1 2009, 2:35 AM BST

She stunk up the most recent series of 24 so badly that my son and I held hands and prayed out loud for her character's death before every episode.

Whoops. :$

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ August 1 2009, 2:46 AM BST

She was also very good in Mystery Men and the latest series of 24.

In my darkest fantasy, I'm on Mock the Week and Frankie Boyle talks over one of my witicisms and I just lose it and beat the Scots f**k into the ground. Dara O'Briain runs over, and for some reason, instead of stopping the fight, he joins in and starts kicking the bespectacled twat until he's a twitching bag of broken bones and swollen flesh.

Fuelled by our bloodlust, Dara and myself look at the assembled panel of shocked low grade stand ups and as if by instinct, we both look over at Blinky McMuppetface. I jump on Dara's shoulders and we charge at Russell Howard like a four fisted Irish giant full of spit and venom.

We let Andy Parsons live, but just so he could tell others of our deeds.

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

In a sort-of Kaiser Soze act of forewarning to others?

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