Quote: sootyj @ July 31 2009, 9:22 PM BSTWhy can't Goths do DIY?
They're always shelf harming.
That's a decent 118 type gag.
Who buried his ego under the patio?
Freud West.
Nice jokes Page 3
Q) What, according to Freud comes between Fear & Sex?
A) Funf
Who's always Jammin' corpses under his patio?
Dredd West.
Who waves his cock at old ladies before killing them?
Harold Stripman
Quote: sootyj @ July 30 2009, 8:26 PM BSTSo let's see if we can manage a thread of jokes that are nothing but pleasant, innocent and still funny!
Quote: sootyj @ July 31 2009, 11:10 PM BSTWho's always Jammin' corpses under his patio?
Dredd West.Who waves his cock at old ladies before killing them?
Harold Stripman
So what happened?
I knew it wouldn't last long!
I ate some melon it always makes me agressive and obdurate.
What are the most philosophical knickers.
Y fronts.
Which kids entertainer is an annoying c**t?
Basil Thrush and Andi Peters.
Who are the cheesiest kids entertainers?
The Truckle Brothers.
Quote: Fred Sunshine @ July 31 2009, 9:54 PM BSTQ) What, according to Freud comes between Fear & Sex?
A) Funf
That. Is. Absolutely. Brilliant!
Q. What do you call a 6'10" man from Milan who's had too much to drink?
A. A high tiddly eye-tie.
Just moving this to general.
Good clown jokes though 
Ok now then.
Which general is covered in dribble?
General Spat-on
I heard a good one on Jack FM earlier.
Q. What do you call a woman with two dicks?
A: N-Dubz
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
Nice - ish
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, ' Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'
Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do... And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked..
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said ' and your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'
You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.
The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said.
'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
Very good! Love it.
Fab Joke Old Rocker.
Quote: Chappers @ August 11 2010, 1:02 AM BSTVery good! Love it.
Your a git. You send me an MSN then bugger off. Going for a bath now so fook you. 
Quote: Charley @ August 11 2010, 1:10 AM BSTFab Joke Old Rocker.
Your a git. You send me an MSN then bugger off. Going for a bath now so fook you.
Hang on. I'll be up to scrub your back - or something.
Quote: Nil Putters @ August 10 2010, 9:47 PM BSTI heard a good one on Jack FM earlier.
Q. What do you call a woman with two dicks?
A: N-Dubz
Another one from the radio station.
Q. How much does a cockney pay for their shampoo?
A. Pantene