SOOTYJ IS DELIVERING MILK FROM HIS MILK CART HE IS DRESSED LIKE ROBERT ASQUITH IN A LAMENTABLE SEX COMEDY.
HE WALKS UP A DRIVE AND SEE'S A DESIREABLE WOMAN FROM BEHIND IN A CHEAP NYLON NEGLIGEE.
SOOTYJ
Phwoor 'ello darling fancy a pint of my fresh creamy milk? I got a fresh consignment of purple top.
WOMAN TURNS SHE'S A BIG HAIRY BLOKE.
SOOTYJ
Euurrgghh you're a bloke hope you're not expecting me to make a back door delivery for you!
WOMAN
I am a proper girly my name is Sexy Woman, the only man here is my dad Ron.
SOOTYJ
Coor what's that horrible smell of poo!
WOMAN
Ron does have such large bowel movements he should flush more.
SOOTYJ
Right stop taking the ruddy piss, I'm getting hotter than UHT milk being heat treated. How much milk do you want?
WOMAN
5 billion pints.
SOOTYJ
5 billion pints! If that negligee wasn't so confusingly sexy I'd get quite semi skimmed!
WOMAN
But there's 5 billion of us in the house. My Jamaican Uncle who makes beanie Toys Mon Plushmore, my Grandad who has a horror actor in the golden age of silent horror movies, Lon Hushmore...
WOMAN CARRIES ON AS SOOTYJ HOPS OVER THE FENCE.
SOOTYJ
Ruddy hell he's radio rentals. I hope I bump into Babs Windsor in a too small towel phwoor eh.
KNOCKS ON THE DOOR.
A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE ANSWERS THE DOOR
SOOTYJ
Er do I know you you're that More Arse aren't you?
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
No I'm Borrace.
SOMEWHERE IN THE BACKGROUND A SAD TROMBONE IS PLAYED.
