Radio Sketch: The Stand-In Newsreader

Morning chaps. Another sketch for your to pass comment on.

Thanks,

Andy

EDIT: Now with amendments

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The Stand-In Newsreader

(NEWS JINGLE)

NEWSREADER:
Good morning and welcome to the evening news. I'm Gary Betts and I will be standing in today for your usual host.

(FX CARDS SHUFFLING, HEADLINES JINGLE)

NEWSREADER:
Today's headlines. Butcher's nationwide have gathered today in Hyde Park for the annual sausage celebration which sees over a thousand people exposing their meat...

(FX CARD SHUFFLING)

NEWSREADER:
...products for the general public to sample. If the festivals of previous years are anything go by, this year will be the most mouth watering exposure yet.

(HEADLINES JINGLE)

NEWSREADER:
MP Roger Higgs has been warned by police after a report of a disturbance of the peace. A neighbour revealed earlier that, 'Loud thumping noises were heard that sounded like Roger in...'

(FX CARDS SHUFFLING)

NEWSREADER:
'...one of his infamous tantrums.' Police are yet to reveal if Roger's partner was also involved in the disturbance.

(HEADLINES JINGLE)

NEWSREADER:
The Royal Albert Hall Society today revealed plans to introduce wider seats specially for members of their new 'fat club,' in order to make the conecrt hall more accessible. The society claims that this will allow large members to comfortably fit in there, but...

(FX CARDS SHUFFLING)

NEWSREADER:
...health ministers urge the society to issue users with a health warning.

(END OF HEADLINES JINGLE)

NEWSREADER:
Those are the top stories today, let's hear now from the weatherlady, Jessica Breast, er Best.

(END OF NEWS JINGLE)

The first one is a nice little double-entendre, Andy. However the rest seem a bit forced.

Yeah, it's very Two Ronnies. I think there's too long between the jokes, even they wouldn't leave it that long.

Might work on stage, especially if you made it ultra-topical and sent off to News Revue

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ July 23 2009, 11:59 AM BST

I think there's too long between the jokes

View original

Really? Were the subtle jokes after the obvious ones too subtle?

Thanks for your input guys.

Andy

"Good morning and welcome to the evening news"....was that intentional?

As already said, very Gerald Wiley/Two Ronnies. Some of it was a bit laboured after a good start.

The idea's good.

Quote: Geoff Mutton @ July 23 2009, 3:17 PM BST

"Good morning and welcome to the evening news"....was that intentional?

As already said, very Gerald Wiley/Two Ronnies. Some of it was a bit laboured after a good start.

The idea's good.

View original

Yes it was! Im surprised you are the first to notice it! I have changed the second two 'oopsies' to try give it a more natural feel. Let me know what you think.

Thanks!

Andy

As others have said, it's a nice Two Ronnies-ish idea. I think there could be more gags, though. And I'm not sure the set-up convinces - would a stand in newsreader announce that they are a stand in? Maybe it be better to just have a normal newsreader, flummoxed by a late production problem (e.g. as he's being counted in the producer says they are having trouble with a sticky autocue).

Quote: Badge @ July 23 2009, 8:38 PM BST

As others have said, it's a nice Two Ronnies-ish idea. I think there could be more gags, though. And I'm not sure the set-up convinces - would a stand in newsreader announce that they are a stand in? Maybe it be better to just have a normal newsreader, flummoxed by a late production problem (e.g. as he's being counted in the producer says they are having trouble with a sticky autocue).

View original

I've based it on a newsreader I saw who did introduce himself in that manner and then proceeded to fluff up the entire broadcast

Thanks,

Andy

A bit too cheesy and laboured for me. Could probably do with making it feel more pacy by cutting down on the lead-ins to the puns. But then again I wasn't the biggest fan of the Two Ronnies cheesy stuff (insert pun here) either.