Restaurant Page 2

Definitely

Quote: sootyj @ July 23 2009, 5:09 PM BST

WOMAN
I'm a vegetarian so I'll have just a salad.

WAITER
I beg your pardon?

WOMAN
You know I won't eat anything that can think has sentinence, a soul even.

WAITER
Are you calling our salad stupid?

WOMAN
No but vegetable are not alive, they can't communicate...

WAITER
Our kitchen porter is Malaysian he can't speak a word of English, would you like him for dinner?

WOMAN
No I mean, I won't eat anything that can smile.

WAITER
Well chef was just dumped by his girlfriend of 20 years. He can't smile he cries all the time, I'll ask him to boil himself shall I?

WOMAN
You're just being horrid! Horrid, horrid I just want to eat something that doesn't hurt anything and you're being so awkward.

FX CLATTER

WAITER
There you are madam a brick no feelings at all for you to worry about.

WOMAN
Well...

WAITER
What is it going to cry because it isn't cemented into a wall with all it's other brother and sister bricks?

WOMAN
Well it's not organic is it?

View original

WOMAN IN RESTAURANT IS ORDERING FROM A WAITER.

WOMAN
I'm a vegetarian so I'll just have the salad please.

WAITER
I beg your pardon?

WOMAN
I won't eat anything with sentience, you know that can think,

WAITER
Are you calling our salad stupid?

WOMAN
No but they're not alive, they can't communicate...

WAITER
Our kitchen porter is Portorican he can't speak a word of English, would you like him for dinner?

WOMAN
No that's revolting, but vegetable they don't have brains they can't speak.

WAITER
Have you ever tried speaking to one before hacking it to pieces, covering it in balsamic vinegar and eating them!

WOMAN
Well no, but you can't eat animals they're innocent you can't judge them.

WAITER
Here we do, we only serve animals here that have commited crimes and been sentenced to death.

WOMAN
But that's ridiculous, animals are innocent they have no concept of right and wrong.

WAITER
Oh really Daisy over there trampled her owner, bit a chance and stamped her own calf to death.

4 WAITERS LEAD A VERY MEAN LOOKING COW PAST, THEY HAVE SHOTGUNS A 5TH WAITER READS PSALMS FROM A PRAYER BOOK.

DAISY TURNS AND STARTS TURNING TOWARDS THE WOMAN.

WOMAN
Eek! Save me!

WAITER WITH SHOTGUN
Keeping walking daisy, don't make it harder for yourself.

DAISY
Mooo!

WAITER WITH SHOTGUN
Yeh I know we can only kill you once but I'll shoot you in the udder you daughter of a cow

DAISY TURNS AND KEEPS WALKING OUT OF THE DINING ROOM.

WOMAN
Ok, ok you've convinced me but tell me is Daisy organic I'll only have organic things in my body.

WAITER
No Daisy isn't organic.

HE STABS HER THROUGH THE THROAT WITH A WOODEN SPEAR.

WAITER
But this is. Service is extra.

The idea of killing animals because of their criminal history is great. I thinkthat's inspired. I love the sketch up to leading daisy away but then it goes off a bit.

I'm pretty sure someone said this already but if you went down the road of leading in other animals and describe the crimes they commited and the woman judges if their crimes are bad enough to justify her eating them.

I think there would be good comic milage in hearing the crimes commited by animals. Like a lamb that runs a prostitution ring or a duck that was involved in the Kennedy assassination, that sort of thing.

Might be a good idea to have more animals, but I want to stick to relaisitc animal crimes.