Tiger in your hospital redux.

LORD DARZI IS TALKING TO ALAN A HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR

DARZI
Alan in these hard times for the NHS you're hospital has acheived 100% of it's initial appointments for elderly patients at only 25% of the cost.

ALAN
Ah that'll be our new consultants Mr Bengal.

DARZI
But Alan if I can continue, your hospital has had an 800% increase in deaths by Tiger mauling of the elderly.

ALAN
Ok I'll come clean Mr Bengal is in fact an 800lb indian tiger. The elderly patients visit him he mauls them to death it's all very swift and efficent.

DARZI
I'm appalled, seriously Alan I'm horrifed.

ALAN
Now I think about buying a large feline predator on the Asian blackmarket to devour needy, vulnerable patients is quite unacceptable.

DARZI
No Alan haven't you heard about are governments commitment to English jobs for English workers? Couldn't you have got some badgers or something?

This is a better version, Soots. This section Alan does repeat himself a bit.

Quote: sootyj @ July 19 2009, 2:50 AM BST

ALAN
Ok I'll come clean Mr Bengal is in fact an 800lb indian tiger. The elderly patients visit him he mauls them to death it's all very swift and efficent.

DARZI
I'm appalled, seriously Alan I'm horrifed.

ALAN
Now I think about buying a large feline predator on the Asian blackmarket to devour needy, vulnerable patients is quite unacceptable.

View original

Maybe:
------------------------
DARZI
But Alan if I can continue, your hospital has had an 800% increase in deaths of the elderly by tiger mauling. (to move the funniest part to end of sentence? maybe?)

ALAN
Ok I'll come clean Mr Bengal is in fact an 800lb indian tiger.

DARZI
I'm appalled, seriously, Alan I'm horrifed.

ALAN
Now I think about buying a large feline predator on the Asian blackmarket to devour needy, vulnerable patients is quite unacceptable.
-----------------------------

Could you end on Dharzi saying he's going to set up an inquiry and Alan says "in that case I want to introduce you to Mr Polar."

But yes, you've sharpened this sketch up nicely.

I like it. Good idea, SlagA's suggestions make it much tighter too.

Dan

Thanks, but knickers! It's gone already.

Don't you call me 'Butt Knickers'!

Dan

Sorry if the police call you that, then so will I.

Butt knickers.

racist!!!!!!!!

Against tigers?