Just posting first four pages of a script I'm writing. Thanks in advance.
INT. TAXI - NIGHT
RYAN, SAM and JAMES are sat in the back seat of the Taxi. Both Sam and James are poking Ryan in the sides.
RYAN
Stop poking me!
SAM
Why? Your mum likes it when I poke her.
RYAN
The cliche is like father, like son, so your barking up the wrong tree.
JAMES
Let's not forget today is about me.
RYAN
You think everyday is.
JAMES
I don't. But it should be.
SAM
You can legally star in porn now James.
RYAN
Don't give him ideas.
JAMES
I would bring in a lot of new female viewers.
RYAN
And they would all think, what a dick, and not in the good way. You'd paying more attention to yourself than the woman.
JAMES
With a body like mine who can blame me?
SAM
People with a grip on reality?
JAMES
Let's hope Sarah hasn't got one then.
SAM
Is she going to be the latest victim of your cock?
JAMES
A very lucky victim may I add. I really like her, She's so hot, plus she's a lesbian.
RYAN
(Emphasis on legally.)
And how are you going to shag her legally?
JAMES
She also goes with guys as well.
RYAN
Bisexuality isn't just something nuns say when they join the church, if she goes with guys then she's bisexual.
JAMES
Alright! She's half lesbian then.
RYAN
Half lesbian? The only way there could be such a thing as a half lesbian, is if one of them had both of their legs amputated.
SAM
She's not bisexual, she's just attention seeking, Oh I pretend to have sex with women so I can have a bunch of men wanking over me lezzing it up.
RYAN
What's the term for hatred of bisexuals?
SAM
I have nothing against bisexuals, I just can't stand indecisiveness.
TAXI DRIVER
(Offended.)
I'm bisexual.
SAM
Oh.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Ryan, Sam and James are queuing, behind them there is a group of tartily dressed up WOMEN, one of them is carrying a massive inflatable penis. The group is in high spirits and making a lot of noise.
SAM
Oi oi, group of no class females at six o'clock.
RYAN
Pot, kettle, black.
SAM
I'm a parody of people with no class.
RYAN
What's that smell? It has that distinct aroma of Sam's bullshit.
SAM
More like it's the smell of you shitting yourself because Liam's out tonight.
RYAN
Oh great, Liam, why do we hang around with that chav again?
JAMES
Liam is not a chav.
RYAN
Antisocial behavior check, love of cider check.
JAMES
Does he look like a chav?
RYAN
He's a chav who decided he needed an image change.
WOMAN 1
(Chanting to the lads.)
Get your dicks out, get your dicks out, get your dicks out.
Sam turns around with a glint in his eye.
SAM
I can't get it out because you've stolen it.
Sam points to the inflatable penis.
WOMAN 1
(Laughing)
You wish.
SAM
I swear it's smaller than the last time I saw it, have you been sucking the air our of it? Give it back or I'll have to phone the police.
All of the women start laughing.
WOMAN 1
You are such a scream.
SAM
Not as much of a scream as my cock, now give it back.
Sam grabs on to the inflatable penis and tries to wrestle it from the woman.
RYAN
We should have him on a leash.
WOMAN 2
Let go of it, you little freak.
Sam starts rubbing his crotch against it. The BOUNCER notices what's going on and comes forward.
BOUNCER
Let's put a stop to these shenanigans.
As the bouncer comes to grab hold of Sam, Sam accidentally hits the bouncer in the face with the penis.
BOUNCER (CONT'D)
Right that's it, you're not getting in.
Sam lets go of the penis.
SAM
I was getting sexually harassed and I'm not the one allowed in because I've got no tits?
RYAN
Looks like we need to go to a different club.
JAMES
No other club has Sarah.
RYAN
I really hate to say this but, bro's before ho's.
JAMES
Doesn't apply on my birthday.
James shows the other bouncer his ID.
JAMES (CONT'D)
I'm getting my birthday treat.
James enters the club giving Ryan a big cheesy grin. Ryan turns around to see Sam and the bouncer still arguing, he sighs at the sight.
