Isaac Newton Sketch

Not sure if this needs more jokes along the way or whether a good performance would provide enough chortles. Let me know!

Ext. Field

Isaac Newton is sat under a tree writing on a parchment. Two monks approach him.

Monk 1: Well, well, well! If it isn't Isaac Newton!

Isaac Newton: Hello, good sirs.

Monk 2: What are you working on there? More of that old 'science' rubbish?

Isaac Newton: I'm trying to hypothesize what strange force it is that attracts objects to the earth.

Monk 1: (LAUGHING) You sacrilegious fool! It is God's will that attracts objects to the earth!

Isaac Newton: God?

Monk 2: Do you dare to question the power of the almighty?!

Isaac Newton: It's just that, well, religion? It's not real, is it?

Monk 1: HEATHEN!

Isaac Newton: I mean, turning water into wine? What's that all about?

Monk 2: Ha! This from the man who claims you can turn common metals into gold!

The monks start laughing. Isaac Newton looks annoyed.

Isaac Newton: Alchemy is a fine and noble art! (BEAT) I just don't know how to do it yet.

Monk 1: (LADIES VOICE) I'm Isaac Newton and I'm oh so clever!

Monk 2: (LADIES VOICE) But you're not really are you?

Monk 1: (LADIES VOICE) No. I'm a vile little codpiece.

The monks start laughing. Monk 2 snatches Isaac Newton's quill and snaps it. The monks laugh even harder and walk off. Isaac Newton is crying. An apple falls from the tree and hits him on the head. Isaac Newton stops crying and looks triumphant.

Isaac Newton: The apple! The answer is in the apple! I'll show them. Them AND their religion.

CUT TO: Ext. Field

Isaac Newton is screaming and pushing a giant apple down a hill after the two fear-stricken monks.

ENDS

This is a winner, Ben. Back to your best.

Good sketch, well written. The obvious logical flaw being that Isaac Newton was actually one of the most famously devout men of his time, who wrote more on biblical subjects than scientific. He, apparently, saw no contradictions between science and his faith.

And these two sentences are more than reminiscent of the disbelieving priest in Father Ted's Holy Stone of Clonrichert. In fact, I think both lines are exact quotes.

Isaac Newton: It's just that, well, religion? It's not real, is it?
Isaac Newton: I mean, turning water into wine? What's that all about?

But apart from that well written, Sir.

Newton, in reality, was a massive theist. Not sure if that matters, though David Mitchell would be unlikely to perform it.

Quote: SlagA @ July 17 2009, 4:18 PM BST

Good sketch, well written. The obvious logical flaw being that Isaac Newton was actually one of the most famously devout men of his time, who wrote more on biblical subjects than scientific. He, apparently, saw no contradictions between science and his faith.

View original

Did he? Oh damn.

Quote: SlagA @ July 17 2009, 4:18 PM BST

And these two sentences are more than reminiscent of the disbelieving priest in Father Ted's Holy Stone of Clonrichert. In fact, I think both lines are exact quotes.

Isaac Newton: It's just that, well, religion? It's not real, is it?
Isaac Newton: I mean, turning water into wine? What's that all about?

But apart from that well written.

View original

Are they? Oh damn.

Funny stuff.
I really liked this one Ben.

Quote: Ben @ July 17 2009, 4:23 PM BST

Did he? Oh damn.

View original

Sorry.

Isaac Newton happens to be one of my heroes.

But it is good.

Thanks all, but looks as though I should do more in-depth research when tackling historical figures!

Basically exactly what SlagA said. Newton is well known for his biblical scholarship.

If you just delete lines 5-10, the second half of line 12 (he may not have discovered the philosophers stones or the elixir of life but he also wrote extensively on alchemy, so he deifnintely knew what he was doing) and the last 4 words of line 16 - then you'd have a very good sketch.

That's a great idea, Afinkawan! Thank you, you learned man and even more learned script editor!

Here's the rewrite with a slight tweak to one line.

Ext. Field

Isaac Newton is sat under a tree writing on a parchment. Two monks approach him.

Monk 1: Well, well, well! If it isn't Isaac Newton!

Isaac Newton: Hello, good sirs.

Monk 2: What are you working on there? More of that old 'science' rubbish?

Isaac Newton: I'm trying to hypothesize what strange force it is that attracts objects to the earth.

Monk 1: (LAUGHING) Oh dear! Oh dear! That's even more ridiculous than your plan to turn base metals in to gold!

Isaac Newton looks annoyed.

Isaac Newton: Alchemy is a fine and noble art!

Monk 1: (LADIES VOICE) I'm Isaac Newton and I'm oh so clever!

Monk 2: (LADIES VOICE) But you're not really are you?

Monk 1: (LADIES VOICE) No. I'm a vile little codpiece.

The monks start laughing. Monk 2 snatches Isaac Newton's quill and snaps it. The monks laugh even harder and walk off. Isaac Newton is crying. An apple falls from the tree and hits him on the head. Isaac Newton stops crying and looks triumphant.

Isaac Newton: The apple! The answer is in the apple! I'll show them!

CUT TO: Ext. Field

Isaac Newton is screaming and pushing a giant apple down a hill after the two fear-stricken monks.

ENDS

Loses nothing for the edit. Well done Afinkawan.

Quote: Ben @ July 17 2009, 4:47 PM BST

That's a great idea, Afinkawan! Thank you, you learned man and even more learned script editor!

Here's the rewrite with a slight tweak to one line.

Ext. Field

Isaac Newton is sat under a tree writing on a parchment. Two monks approach him.

Monk 1: Well, well, well! If it isn't Isaac Newton!

Isaac Newton: Hello, good sirs.

Monk 2: What are you working on there? More of that old 'science' rubbish?

Isaac Newton: I'm trying to hypothesize what strange force it is that attracts objects to the earth.

Monk 1: (LAUGHING) Oh dear! Oh dear! That's even more ridiculous than your plan to turn base metals in to gold!

Isaac Newton looks annoyed.

Isaac Newton: Alchemy is a fine and noble art!

Monk 1: (LADIES VOICE) I'm Isaac Newton and I'm oh so clever!

Monk 2: (LADIES VOICE) But you're not really are you?

Monk 1: (LADIES VOICE) No. I'm a vile little codpiece.

The monks start laughing. Monk 2 snatches Isaac Newton's quill and snaps it. The monks laugh even harder and walk off. Isaac Newton is crying. An apple falls from the tree and hits him on the head. Isaac Newton stops crying and looks triumphant.

Isaac Newton: The apple! The answer is in the apple! I'll show them!

CUT TO: Ext. Field

Isaac Newton is screaming and pushing a giant apple down a hill after the two fear-stricken monks.

ENDS

View original

I like this a very confident sketch to have such a long lead in to a great visual punch.

I could picture this one on Telly good stuff.

Will we have to wait another year for your next sketch?

Quote: SlagA @ July 17 2009, 4:27 PM BST

Sorry.

Isaac Newton happens to be one of my heroes.

View original

Mine too, amazing to think that in the 1600's when people were generally pretty dense a farmer could develop a set of laws that are still used by scientist to send people into space.
Just had to be a Brit didn't it.

Thanks Marc. Thanks Sooty.

You won't have to wait another year, Sooty. I promise.