Needs work like - that's why it's here. Does it have legs?
F/XDEREK snores.
F/XA crash as the front door is splintered.
DEREKWhat the Hell – What the Hell are you doing?
KEVIN(Surprised) Oh, Mr. Timms.
DEREKWho did you think it was going to be? Lord Lucan? It's my bloody house.
KEVINOh, yes. Right.
DEREKCouldn't you have just pissing knocked? Is that a battering ram?
KEVINI, well –
DEREKSpit it out, boy.
KEVINI thought you were dead.
DEREKWhat?
KEVINWell, it was your seventieth last month , we haven't seen you since -
DEREK…You bought me scented drawer liners.
KEVINYour curtains are drawn and I was worried.
DEREKSo you smash my door in?
KEVIN(patronising) A door can be replaced Derek.
DEREK Like a handle can be bleeding turned. It was open you cretin. And who's that Pug-faced bint?
KEVIN She's my girlfriend, Mr. Timms.
DEREK And you thought you'd impress her with a spot of burglary?
KEVIN Look. I'm really sorry. I didn't want to do it, I just thought I hadn't seen you for days and you could be dead in here. Spontaneous, like. I'm glad you're OK.
F/XFuneral March ringtone.
DEREKIs that your phone?