British Comedy Guide

The all-in-one consolidatory football thread Page 132

Quote: bigfella @ June 12 2010, 11:04 PM BST

I am college bowl winner thank you. :)

When I'm old I hope to play bowls with other old men. :)

What did you think of the performance Don?

Off the top of my head ...

Complete failure to keep possession (unless going backwards). No flair or invention in midfield. Heskey - a striker that can't score. Lampard was invisible - as always.

Robert Green is not international quality. Carragher is far too slow; a real problem given Terry is not particularly quick.

Lennon and Wright-Phillips had very little end product. And lost the ball. A lot. Rooney did nothing, neither did Crouch.

Joe Cole (arguably our most creative player) didn't even get on the pitch.

Our shooting from distance was abysmal. So too: corners and free kicks.

Ledley King - injured again. Big surprise.

And so on ...

But apart from that was it okay?

I think Rooney will get into gear in the next couple of group games, and will soon be at full throttle. Remember, he did miss the last few weeks of the Premiership season with an injury.

Quote: Badge @ June 12 2010, 11:50 PM BST

But apart from that was it okay?

To be honest Badge, I think we'd be better off with this lot ...

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ December 20 2009, 4:03 AM BST

Goalkeeper - Gerry McDonnell

Sweeper - Don Rushmore
Left Back - Steve Sunshine
Right back - Bert Bastard.
Central Midfield - Jim Field (Mid is his middle name)
Central Midfield - Phqnix
Left Wing - Moonstone
Centre Forward: Jack Massey
Centre Forward: Catskillz

Subs Bench-
Splodge

Are they all English?

Quote: don rushmore @ June 12 2010, 11:58 PM BST

To be honest Badge, I think we'd be better off with this lot ...

Hey !

I'm a 63 yo, 17st person with extremely dodgy legs and if I fell over I wouldn't be able to get up again without help !

I should at least make the squad.

Quote: Oldrocker @ June 13 2010, 12:08 AM BST

I'm a ...17st person with extremely dodgy legs and if I fell over I wouldn't be able to get up again without help !

Are you Emile Heskey?

Quote: don rushmore @ June 13 2010, 12:11 AM BST

Are you Emile Heskey?

Not without spray tan.

Quote: deckard @ June 12 2010, 10:36 PM BST

College football. Do English colleges have sporting teams...other than rowing.

I watched the film Goal! last night (a bit meh despite the Clement & la Frenais script) and then skimmed through the reviews on imdb. There was one from a US viewer which summarised the plot as the hero going to Scotland to play for Newcastle and scoring the winner in a varsity game against Liverpool.

Quote: deckard @ June 12 2010, 10:03 PM BST

Is this English?

Rhyming slang.

I think Rooney will get into gear in the next couple of group games ...

Too risky. What with random drug tests and such.

Green made a terrible mistake it's true but I'm not too disheartened. It wasn't a brilliant performance by any stretches of the imagination but I do believe they will get better. USA was probably the toughest group match and they did create a few chances so there is cause for optimism.

It's always better to improve from the start than have a fantastic group stage and then fade away in the later stages as they did in '82 in Spain. England won their three group matches but then drew 0-0 twice to go out in the second round.

In Euro2008 Holland beat World Champions Italy 3-0 in their first match, France 4-1 in their second and Romania 2-0 in the third but lost 3-1 to Russia in the quarter-finals. Probably the best team of the tournament didn't even make the semis that year.

I've been watching England in major championships for 30 years and they hardly ever start well. In fact 3-1 v France in 1982, 2-0 v Tunisia in 1998 and 1-0 v Paraguay in 2006 are our only victories in 12 opening matches. That's dire!

For the record the others are 1-1 v Belgium (1980), 0-1 v Portugal (1986), 0-1 v Ireland (1988), 1-1 v Ireland (1990), 0-0 v Denmark (1992), 1-1 v Switzerland (1996), 2-3 v Portugal (2000), 1-1 v Sweden (2002) and 1-2 v France (2004)...and I did all that from memory!

EDIT (and not from memory)

It's worse than I thought - here are their other major championship first game results going back to the first one in 1950...

1-0 v Romania (1970)
0-1 v Yugoslavia (1968)
0-0 v Uruguay (1966)
1-2 v Hungary (1962)
2-2 v Soviet Union (1958)
4-4 v Belgium (1954)
2-0 v Chile (1950)

That means they've won just five of 20 first round games. That's truly appalling... Errr

That new ball that's being used is definitely going to take some getting used to. Have you noticed how most of the free-kicks that have been taken so far have zoomed way over the cross-bar?

Quote: Ben @ June 12 2010, 8:19 PM BST

FUCKGREEN HELL!

Apologies if this is old:

Image

And here's a clip showing Green already had form worthy of a national keeper:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNi4vTYoynU

Just discovered that the the BBC games are available through catchup on Virgin, which will be good if there's a blinder of a game missed while at work.

So, Slovenia top England's group after another goalkeeping blunder (this time by Algeria). They both looked awful, but we need to focus on beating both of them well to get past this stage.

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