It's not the weekend yet, you're still Tim.
Sly Love With A Midnight Creeper...0200-0700 Shift Page 20
Quote: Tim Walker @ July 23 2009, 1:59 AM BSTGentlemen, how dare you talk so uncouthly in the presence of a lady!
*takes out binoculars*
Come on then. You're dying to join in.
See, you've scared LJD away with your sexy talk! 
Quote: Tim Walker @ July 23 2009, 2:04 AM BSTSee, you've scared LJD away with your sexy talk!
What sexy talk? Sexy talk is nothing like this.
This is general conversation. 
Here kitty, kitty, kitty...!
Here kitty, kitty, kitty...!
*wanders around with saucer of Rohypnol*
Tim is horny. Even my warm, wet, soft words turn him on.
I'm going to take off now to watch Torchwood. Will try to return later
Quote: Leevil @ July 23 2009, 2:08 AM BSTTim is horny. Even my warm, wet, soft words turn him on.
A special dinner, That's what he set out to do. To show her how special she was, To show her his love was true.
A candle light dinner, He made for them to eat. Looking deep into her eyes, Their souls did meet.
After they ate dinner, To the couch they did retire. Curled up together with a movie, And the sweet glow of a fire.
So relaxed and content, A feeling of heavenly bliss. On the back of her neck, He placed a sweet soft kiss.
It sent a shiver down her spine, And she turned and held him tight. Whispering softly in his ear, Make love to me all night.
He said I'll be right back, As he got up off the couch. Into his bedroom he went, Then pulled out a pouch.
He pulled out rose pedals, And laid them all over the bed. Hundreds of rose pedals, White, yellow, pink and red.
BY A SEXY GUY
That's all very well but did he get any bum action?
Quote: Tim Walker @ July 23 2009, 2:11 AM BSTThat's all very well but did he get any bum action?
Ah, yes. Plenty.
Panting
Sweating
Heavy breathing
Quietly smiling
He looks over to her
And asked if he
Could crack that backdoor
Her mouth hit the floor
But before she said
Hells f**king no
She thought of F1's
Words just months before
I says to my homey…
"Guuurl that's the best trick
Having anal sex with a loving dick"
Yes, he gotta love your soul
To enter your backdoor
It's not a game to him
It's not a spiritual sin
To him
It's loving you whole
It's needing every inch of you
Begging for more
"It'll hurt
At first
But then your tight hole
For him
Will thirst
Let it happen
Sistagirl
This one is the one
He loves every inch of you
So let ever inch of him
Crack that ass off you!"
And so
Last night
Anal sex for her
Was perfectly
Right…
BY ANOTHER SEXY GUY
Well if you could have just said that in the first place, without all the homo talk...?
Quote: Tim Walker @ July 23 2009, 2:14 AM BSTWell if you could have just said that in the first place, without all the homo talk...?
Style Tim, style.
What about this one. I think it's quite good.
THE PERFECT WOMAN
The perfect woman
Doesn't fart
Like a trumpet sounding
But rather it is released
Like she's gently sighing
The perfect woman
Doesn't belch
Out the word Bulawayo
But rather releases it
Behind her hand delicately
The perfect woman
Doesn't sweat
Or anything like as vulgar
If they overheat
The darlings just perspire
The perfect woman
Doesn't swear
Only shit and maybe bloody
If they stub their toe
Its sod it or even buggeration
The perfect woman
Doesn't exist
They fart and blame the cat
They belch and blame the food
They sweat and blame the change
They swear and blame the man
Is that Kipling? A follow-up to 'If...' or something?
Quote: Tim Walker @ July 23 2009, 2:23 AM BSTIs that Kipling? A follow-up to 'If...' or something?
It's by Paul Curtis. He also wrote:
COMING UNSTUCK
If you surf the Internet
For the obscene
You may end up, literally,
Glued to your screen
More pithy, but doesn't scan well. I'm a stickler for form.