REPORTER: Mr Cameron. Is it true that when you go home, and close the door on
your day, that you shoot your bolt and hide from the world?
CAMERON: Come now. That's a loaded question. Let's have another one. You over
there. Gaurdian aren't you?
GUARDIAN: Yes, Mr Cameron. For the Guardian readers I'd like to know, when you
get behind the closed doors mentioned by my colleague, does your wife
call out – are you coming, dear. Dinner's ready?
CAMERON: That sounds like another smoking gun to me. You, the one fom the Sun.
SUN: Mr Cameron. When you're serving dinner do you offer to give your wife a
plate?
CAMERON: Let's stick to things germaine, shall we. You, the Daily Mail.
DAILY MAIL: Our readers would like to know if you are generous Mr Cameron?
CAMERON – sigh of relief: I am no more and no less generous than the next man.
DAILY MAIL: Thank you Mr Cameron. Does that mean if you had a spare spud and
your wife fancied it, you'd *give it* to her?
CAMERON – flustered, hesitates: Why are you all making such a meal out of my
private life?
SUN: Mr Cameron. Are are you partial to a bit of Cherry pie?
CAMERON: That's it. I've had enough of this nonsense. I will *not* answer any
question that is not politically oriented.
SUN: Mr Cameron. Did you not say to the hon. member for Yorkshire that if she
let you eat her pud you'd give her your sausage?
DAILY MIRROR: Do you shag anything that moves?
THE SCENE DEGENERATES INTO A FREE-FOR-ALL FRENZY OF OUTRAGEOUS QUESTIONS
CAMERON – IGNORES THE MADNESS – IT GRADUALLY SUBSIDES.
THE NEWS OF THE WORLD – nervously: Mr Cameron. What's your stand on the expenses
issue? Do you think that the abuse can be eradicated by new legislation?
CAMERON: My stand on this is very much a hard one. We can't just rub off what's
been done. We must all come together, stand erect, be firm and be open to
inspection. No one is too big or too small. We've come a long way in a short
time, and if we all pull together we can come to the end of this shabby road.