To be read out in the style of a BBC radio 4 news reporter (Or John Snows voice)
I tried this as a Newsjack type post.
A science teacher from a school in Nottingham has been arrested on suspicion of attempted murder.
Peter Harvey from All Saints' Roman Catholic school left a 14 year old boy from his class with serious head injuries after a row broke out.
It is reported that the teacher, Mr Harvey, used a weapon against the minor.
The weapon has not been confirmed by the Police, but a source close to the school, one of the chav dinnerladies, claims the weapon was a 30cm transparent non-shatter ruler.
(Dinnerlady quote) ''the weapon was a 30cm transparent non-shatter ruler''
Other sources say, it was just a protractor.
It was reported the children were playing a light hearted game with their teacher Mr Harvey at the end of the day, before the assault took place.
The reports claim that the row took place when the children wanted to play 'Noel Edmonds-Are you smarter than a 10 year old' with their teacher.
The boy, who cannot be named, for my speech impediment reasons, was said to have riled the teacher Mr Harvey, after, it was claimed, the boy calling him a 'Mr Smithers' lookalike.
It is reported the boy tried to defend himself with his friends, by trying to happyslap Mr Harvey, but they were unsuccessful, as they didn't have their mobile phones with them to film the ordeal.
The local priest Father O' Rosemary Connelly Donnelly has put forward a statement on behalf of his beloved Catholic school which he attended as a boy.
''It is an awful, awful ordeal, which nobody saw coming-a terrible terrible incident.
The boys friends are in shock, and I for one will be looking out for them, I am meeting them tonight, and I will be certainly getting on knees..and praying''