I don't think political satire is my bag.
*
F/X: RUSTLING NEWSPAPER. DOOR OPENS.
ADVISOR:
Mr Cameron.
DAVID CAMERON:
About time. Have you seen the papers? Sarah Brown is marching at Pride, and the government are saying I'm out of touch with the gay community. Ludicrous! I went to Eton! We need to show the public that the Conservative party is not homophobic. So I've decided: we need a poof on the front bench.
ADVISOR:
Um, sir, you do know Alan Duncan is gay?
CAMERON:
He is? Crikey. How on earth did the whips miss that? Oh, well, jolly good. So that's one. But we could still use more members of the BLT community on our benches.
ADVISOR:
Sir, do you mean the LGBT community?
CAMERON:
LGBT? Yes, of course. What does the T stand for, anyway?
ADVISOR:
Transgender, sir.
CAMERON:
And do we have any of those?
ADVISOR:
Anne Widdecombe, sir.
CAMERON:
Good. So that's covered. Any other ideas how we can show we're not out of touch with the gay vote?
ADVISOR:
We could come out with stronger support for domestic partnerships.
CAMERON:
I fail to see what butlers have to do with this.
ADVISOR:
I mean civil unions.
CAMERON:
This is the Conservative party. We will never bow down to the unions, I don't care how polite they are. Anything else? What if I got a piercing? You know, in the gay ear.
ADVISOR:
If you're willing to go that far, why not try cottaging?
CAMERON:
A second home? Are you mad?
END