British Comedy Guide

Walk on dogboy

A HEADMASTER IS TALKING TO A GOVERNMENT MINISTER (BOB)

BOB
Well done headmaster after fitting your pupils with pedometers they're the only ones in the country to cover 15,000 steps a day.

HEADMASTER
Thank you minister it's been quite a struggle.

BOB
Not so fast headmaster. We decided to see why it was some of the kids were making 30,000-100,000 steps a day. So we swopped the pedometers for GPS locators.

HEADMASTER
Aaah, erm oh dear I can explain.

BOB
Really explain how many of your pupils whilst they were supposed to be in school were in fact; on the streets, the park and in the vets.

HEADMASTER
Ok I'll come clean. The kids have been sticking the monitors on their dogs.

BOB
That would explain why 6 of your pupils were adopted from Batersea Dog's home and one was put to sleep.

HEADMASTER
But it's not all bad minister. Some of the dogs have started coming to school instead of the pupils; disciplines improved, most of them can read better than the pupils and our local pervert has moved on since he tried offering a Rottweiler some sweets.

BOB
Hmm you make a good case, but can dogs really replace the incredibly lazy and incompetent? Where would it end? I'll call the minister for education.

SOUND OF BOB DIALLING

BOB
Hello minister, yes daddy loves you, who's a good boy.

This is very good.

Not sure about Bob's penultimate line, which feels like a crashing of gears rather than a smooth transition. I don't think the 'incredibly' is needed and 'incompetent' does not quite follow on from discussing schoolkids. Maybe just "the lazy and stupid".

Incidentally you might want to rebadge one of the two ministers in the sketch - maybe promote one to SoS.

Could possibly also replace the reading comment with something more generic about learning, but I am not sure about that, as Newsjack quite like silliness.

Thanks that last line is a bit of a badoomtisher.

A neat little sketch with a good ending. Me likey. I think you could get a bit more out of the jokes about what the kids appeared to be getting up to though. Spent an hour chasing Ducks in the Park perhaps?

Hmm good point I have been accused of being too brief. Is every one aware this is based on a true story?

Yes, though while NJ is running I do not think any of us will be missing may news stories. Agree with Shoepie that there is more fun to be had out of it. Just to clarify, I like the ending, I just think you need to segue into it a bit more smoothly.

I wasn't. But I'm not surprsed.

I should probably point out that I haven't read any papers this week.

This is very good Soot, but tease it out some more and highlight that the head is talking to a minister earlier. Coming across Minister at the end completely shifted my perspective of the scene.

Did you get my MSN? :)

I did and the police have been informed!

Seriously I responded

Share this page