CORRECTIONS
MILES:Last week we said that the heat wave that was due to hit Britain was not another in a series of ungodly signs that the end of days was upon us. We'd like to unreservedly apologise to our new Lord Satan and all his hellish minions for our error.
MILES:We would also like to apologise for a previous statement in which we questioned the integrity and validity of the Iranian elections. It seems what was going on was not an election at all but a farce by which the Ayatollah could maintain his political power on the nation, and as such was performed perfectly validly.
MILES:Last week we erroneously said that the public have become bored of MPs' expense coverage. It turns out they've just become bored, full stop.
END OF SKETCH
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MILES UNDERCOVER – HEATWAVE BRITS
MILES:In what has been an historically hot week join me as I find out what ordinary Brits are doing to cope, in a typical suburban cul-de-sac, undercover of course, with me Miles Undercover!
F/X:TRAVELING JINGLE.
MILES:Hi there, neighbour.
NEIGHBOUR#1:Hello there, didn't notice you'd moved in to the street.
MILES:Yes, I've moved in to one of the houses, here or whatever. So, what have you been doing to cope with the heat wave?
NEIGHBOUR#1:Heat wave? It's no heat wave, it's a sign of the end of days.
MILES:End of days?
NEIGHBOUR#1:Yeah you know, end of humanity as written about in religious texts, God and the angels coming down to earth to judge everyone, heaven and hell and all that.
MILES
h.
NEIGHBOUR#1:I've been restocking the old bomb shelter and cutting the legs off all my pants in preparation, the pants are mainly a comfort thing though, when my legs get sweaty I feel all sticky.
MILES:Um, okay, bye. Let's see who else we have, hi there how are you handling the warm weather?
NEIGHBOUR#2:Just bought this lovely new air conditioner, it'll help us keep nice and cool and do our part to stimulate the economy.
MILES:Excellent, sounds like you're taking the heat wave in your stride.
NEIGHBOUR#2:Exactly, why worry. I've put it all on the credit card, those suckers don't even realise the world is going to end soon. By the way, you haven't seen a strange guy in cut-off shorts walking around here have you?
MILES:Um, no, doesn't ring a bell, I better get going. Hello there madam, how are you dealing with the warm spell?
NEIGHBOUR#3:Well I've been wearing white to reflect as much heat as possible, always staying well hydrated, using sun-screen and putting a hat on. Just trying to do things as usual and make the best of it.
MILES:Wow, I think you're the first sane person I've met all day. Everyone else has been going conspiracy-crazy over the end of days.
NEIGHBOUR#3:What's that?
MILES
ome silly thing about disasters leading up to a climactic event that marks the end of the world and ties in with religious gospels that say that it's the time predicted for God to come to earth and pass judgment on the living and the dead.
NEIGHBOUR#3h, I hadn't even considered that. Sounds possible I guess. I'll change my mind, I'd like to go for end of days as well please.
END OF SKETCH