Newsjack reject week-2, 'Unveiling the stig'

GRAMS:TOP GEAR INTRO.

CLARKSON:Good evening and welcome to the brand new series of Top Gear. On tonight's show James May will be reviewing the latest hair products for homosexuals, Richard Hammond will look all small and helpless as he's prone to do, and I'll continue to be a sexist, racist twat. But first, before we review several cars that cost more than your house, we have a huge surprise for you. Yes, we're unveiling the Stig!

F/X:APPLAUSE.

CLARKSON:Now, Stig are you sure you want to do this? He's nodding ladies gentlemen, I think that means a yes. He's doing it, we're all about to find out who the real Stig is! And it's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! Or should we say Stigmoud Stigmedinejad!

STIGMEDINEJAD:Hello Jeremy, yes it's me, surprise!

CLARKSON:Now, tell us how you think your fans will react?

STIGMEDINEJAD:Well they will all be extremely pleased and happy, I am the prophet they have all been waiting for.

CLARKSON:And how about your gay fans?

STIGMEDINEJAD:I don't know where this rumour has come from, there are no homosexuals amongst my fans, this is a Richard Hammond phenomenon.

CLARKSON:What do you say to people that claim that Michael Schumacher is the real Stig?

STIGMEDINEJAD:I do not know of this Michael Schumacher, he does not exist, I deny the existence of this Schumacher, it never happened.

CLARKSON:And what do you have to say to people that claim that you aren't the real Stig at all.

STIGMEDINEJAD:I have been confirmed by the Grand Ayatollah of the BBC and I shall hold Mr. Schumacher personally responsible for any deaths that come from rioting, if he existed, which he doesn't.

CLARKSON:Ladies and gentlemen, the Stigmedinejad!

END OF SKETCH.

I don't think the material's strong enough here. Feels like your sketch doesn't really have a point or a twist or punchline of any note.

For example, if the Stig was unveiled as Ahmadinejad, why would he do that? He might then turn on the crowd and hold them hostage for some reason. Or something funnier.

First paragraph is too much -- Newsjack just want you to get to the point asap. All the gumph about May and Hammond doesn't really bring anything to it and it's not particularly original stuff.

Dan

I really don't like critisising people's work when I have nothing to offer in return, but this was a poor sketch, with no funny lines and no point to it at all.

I don't think calling Clarkson a racist would slip past the lawyers. Twat is a fair assessment. Homophobic is a little reactionary, as he patently isn't, but he does shy away from appearing effeminate with enough consistency for the charge to stick to his greasy, oiled body before slipping down to his feet. Racist is going slightly too far I feel.