MEN SPEAK WITH ITALIAN-AMERICAN ACCENTS THROUGHOUT.
FX CIGARETTE LIGHTER AND CLINK OF GLASSES.
BOSS:
Tony, there's something that concerns me, it's Leo, he don't seem right.
TONY:
It's that new kooky broad of his, she's a screwball. She's got Leo on a mutha f**kin' raw food diet, coffee enemas, the works.
BOSS:
Y'know Tony, this is a mentally tough business to be in, I'm worried, he's one of our top hitmen.
TONY:
I said to him last night, 'Leo, let's go for a few beers, shoot some mutha f**kin' pool and get laid.'
BOSS:
And?
TONY:
And? He said no 'cos he was too stressed. Then he grabbed my balls, squeezed them for five and started doing some crazy assed chant.
BOSS:
What's his beef?
TONY:
Some weird shit, basashi. It's Japanese raw horse meat.
BOSS:
What?... nevermind. (PAUSE) Tony, I don't want any other crews hearing about Leo or his chick.
TONY:
She's worse than him boss. Leo told me she drives out to the sticks, gets stoned and makes out with the nearest scarecrow, in broad daylight.
BOSS:
Jesus H. (PAUSE) Y'know, in my day, for kicks, we fooled around a little down at the morgue but that was it, none of this cranky shit.
FX DOOR OPENING AND FOOTSTEPS.
BOSS:
Well, well. Speak of the mutha f**kin' devil and he shall appear. Sit your ass down Leo.
TONY:
Hey Leo, what's with the bucket?
LEO:
Hi Tony, boss. I'm collecting human manure. It's a little sustainability project of mine.
BOSS: (shouting)
You need to cut this tree hugging bullshit out Leo! (PAUSE) Now, there's a wiseguy on the Eastside who needs whacked, don't let me down.
LEO:
Can I bring Moonflower? She hasn't been on a hit yet.
BOSS:
Moonflower? This crazy broad of yours? Why would she want to see a guy get killed?
LEO:
She wants to film it, y'know for an art exhibition on us guys. She's doing a full mafia installation. Boss, we'll be the most famous crew in New York. She's even got me taping us now... look.
FX GUNSHOTS.
BOSS:
Poor kid. The Feds f**ked with his mind. (PAUSE) Tony, when was the last time you massaged my colon?
