Famous, rich and ... Sketch

Was a Newsjack sketch. Reject. Rushed and unpolished but oh well

MILES:

You may remember the BBC programme "Famous, Rich and Homeless," in which a number of minor "celebrities," or people we may recognise as "that person off the telly," spent ten days living rough. But in these uncertain times, real household names, superstars even, face bankruptcy and even homelessness. Whilst Michael Jackson, Gary Coleman and, more recently, Nicholas Cochrane - "Andy McDonald off Eastenders" to you and me - have all faced hard times, I'm off to meet an even bigger casualty of the credit crunch: Liverpool Football Club.

F/X: Sounds of a busy street:

MILES:
Well, I'm outside Anfield, one of the iconic football arenas. But as the crunch crunched, less pies were munched, and the Kop was punched...I mean pinched... by creditors. And just around the corner is a hostel, where the Liverpool squad is currently being housed and fed.

F/X: INDOOR SOUND OF DINING, CLINKING CUTLERY, ETC.

Armed with a bottle of branded high-energy glucose drink, I managed to blag my way in. And here with me now is "Captain Invincible" himself, Steven Gerrard.

So, Steven, what's been the most difficult thing to adjust to here?

GERRARD:
Eeeeeer...

MILES:
The air? Yes, it is a bit stale in here isn't it? I suppose in the old days the junior players would scrub it clean it for you...

GERRARD:
Eeeeeer...

MILES:
Yeeeeah...? And moving on, we have here the heartbeat of the defence himself, Scouser Jamie Carragher.

JAMIE MUTTERS SOMETHING UNINTELLIGIBLE IN A SCOUSE ACCENT

MILES:
Fascinating. Already you've got the homeless mumble - and you don't even smell of alcohol. Which is more than could be said for Jermaine Pennant...

Aha! Here's the manager himself, Rafael Benitez. So, Rafa, how do you think your team is coping with this difficult situation?

RAFA BENITEZ:
Is not easy, no? But at the end of the day we take each day as it comes, no? We have lots of trophies and there's a pawn shop, is not so bad.

MILES:
Having to sell the European Cup to survive - The grim realities of recession have really hit home. Who do you blame, Rafa? The owners for spending beyond their means?

BENITEZ:
No. Red-faced Scottish man. I hate heem.

MILES:
Gordon Brown? Yes, I suppose it is his f....

BENITEZ:
Sir Alex Ferguson.

MILES:
Riiight. Erm So there we have it. Tactical genius Sir Alex Ferguson is to blame for the state of Liverpool's finances. Oh look, here come some boys in blue...

F/X GROWLING

BENITEZ:
Down, Jamie! Not Evertonians. Is policemen. With food.

MILES:
Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Best be off, then.

And as I went, the proud team, with heads held high, sang a parting song, full of hope and pride...

TO THE TUNE OF YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

And one day we'll get a home...

Not as funny as your recent sketches (especially body double sketch which was ace).

Hey Rob

Might have worked better if you'd mentioned the £300million refinancing explicitly and also the players getting burgled every time they're playing away.

Perhaps have only one of Stevie G or Jamie Carragher and have mutual incomprehensibility between him and Miles -- that would have been a good setup maybe.

The red-faced Scottish man joke was funny and clever though -- I did like that.

BTW it's Corry, not EastEnders

Dan

Yes, didn't quite work as I'd imagined initially. If had had the time would certainly have rewritten.

Quote: swerytd @ July 4 2009, 10:55 PM BST

Hey Rob

Might have worked better if you'd mentioned the £300million refinancing explicitly and also the players getting burgled every time they're playing away.

Perhaps have only one of Stevie G or Jamie Carragher and have mutual incomprehensibility between him and Miles -- that would have been a good setup maybe.

The red-faced Scottish man joke was funny and clever though -- I did like that.

BTW it's Corry, not EastEnders

Dan

View original

Had considered the burgling bit, especially leading to the policemen section but decided to try and concentrate on the Anfield thing and was getting too long. Agree about setting the scene though to make it about the news story. Good other points too.

BTW it's Corry, not EastEnders

Well, clearly I just knew him as "thingy off the telly". OK, I'd didn't know who it was, just going with what someone told me

Quote: Rob0 @ July 3 2009, 11:09 PM BST

MILES:
Having to sell the European Cup to survive - The grim realities of recession have really hit home. Who do you blame, Rafa? The owners for spending beyond their means?

BENITEZ:
No. Red-faced Scottish man. I hate heem.

MILES:
Gordon Brown? Yes, I suppose it is his f....

BENITEZ:
Sir Alex Ferguson.

MILES:
Riiight. Erm So there we have it. Tactical genius Sir Alex Ferguson is to blame for the state of Liverpool's finances. Oh look, here come some boys in blue...

F/X GROWLING

BENITEZ:
Down, Jamie! Not Evertonians. Is policemen. With food.

MILES:
Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Best be off, then.

And as I went, the proud team, with heads held high, sang a parting song, full of hope and pride...

TO THE TUNE OF YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

And one day we'll get a home...

View original

For me, this is where it was funny. The stuff before was largely padding (although I agree that having one of the Liverpool players being interviewed would be funnier than having two. My vote would go with sticking with Gerrard as Carragher is actually relatively intelligent when being interviewed) and would alienate everyne who wasn't a football fan.