OAP Criminals

THE CAST OF DAD'S ARMY ARE HAVING A MEETING.

CAPTAIN MANNERING
Right men so we're going to practise our anti tank manouvers in the Vicar's prize marrow bed.

SERGEANT WILSON
Are you sure this is a good idea? He really did work awfully hard at keeping the slugs off of them.

FX THE DOOR IS KICKED IN AND SEVERAL BOOTED THUGS BURST IN

PRIVATE GODFREY
I say it's Nazi storm troopers could I be excused?

SERGEANT IVOR SHOOTS HIM

SERGEANT
Not bloody likely I'm Sergeant Ivor Truncheon and you're all under arrest.

PIKE
Captain Mannering they just shot Mr Godfrey!

CAPTAIN MANNERING
Look this really is preposterous we're the Warmington on Sea civil defence force, what can we possibly have done?

SERGEANT WILSON
We were planning to trample the Vicar's prize marrows.

FX SERGEANT IVOR COSHES HIM TO THE GROUND

SERGEANT IVOR
Shut it you upper class smart arse. Ever since Jack Straw sentenced Ronni Biggs to die in prison, he's found that locking up elderly criminals is the easiest way to look tough on crime.

CAPTAIN MANNERING
How dare you we haven't done anything!

SERGEANT IVOR
Planning to vandalise precious marrows, you've all got guns I bet you're in Al Quaeda.

LANCE CORPORAL JONES
I say Mr Mannering this is just like when I was in the Boer War, they don't like it up them.

SERGEANT IVOR
And he's getting charged with rape. Take them away, not the kid though he's probably got a knife.

SOUND OF STRUGGLE AS THE HOME GUARD ARE DRAGGED OF.

SERGEANT IVOR ON RADIO
Right WPC Amy Thingusay how's the operation to arrest those OAP Hooligans in Yorkshire going?

WPC AMY
Could be better sir, they tried to escape down hill in an old bath tub so we shot them.

Soots, maybe it's because I haven't really seen much Dad's Army but this is all a bit confusing to me.

What's with the storm-troopers? They're in and then nothing. No contribution. And you're trying to get in as many different jokes as poss so it's all over the place.

Sorry, not for me.

Dan

I'd liked it Sooty, it's an inspired bit of ramshackle madness. The Last Of The Summer Wine reference and the accusing Corporal Jones of rape bits especially made me chuckle. I'd love to see it performed (I imagine the difficulty I have imagining it being performed informs my desire to see it performed)

Also, despite the ludicrousness of the situation, you did manage to write characters correctly. Wilsons hesitancy over trampling over the marrows was essentially a line from the show.

Quote: swerytd @ July 3 2009, 4:17 PM BST

Soots, maybe it's because I haven't really seen much Dad's Army but this is all a bit confusing to me.

What's with the storm-troopers? They're in and then nothing. No contribution. And you're trying to get in as many different jokes as poss so it's all over the place.

Sorry, not for me.

Dan

View original

Thanks I think you pointed out a standard mistake of mine what seems clear in Sootyj land rarely is in the real world.

The storm troopers are infact the police I'll reedit.

And thanks Evelyn good to see there is something in there.

The Nazi storm troopers line really throws it off kilter and confuses the whole dang sketch.

I like the ending.

Quote: sootyj @ July 3 2009, 3:44 PM BST

THE CAST OF DAD'S ARMY ARE HAVING A MEETING.

CAPTAIN MANNERING
Right men so we're going to practise our anti tank manouvers in the Vicar's prize marrow bed.

SERGEANT WILSON
Are you sure this is a good idea? He really did work awfully hard at keeping the slugs off of them.

FX THE DOOR IS KICKED IN AND SEVERAL BOOTED THUGS BURST IN

PRIVATE GODFREY
I say it's the police, could I be excused?

SERGEANT IVOR SHOOTS HIM

SERGEANT
Not bloody likely I'm Sergeant Ivor Truncheon of the anti terrorism squad and you're all under arrest.

PIKE
Captain Mannering they just shot Mr Godfrey!

CAPTAIN MANNERING
Look this really is preposterous we're the Warmington on Sea civil defence force, what can we possibly have done?

SERGEANT WILSON
We were planning to trample the Vicar's prize marrows.

FX SERGEANT IVOR COSHES HIM TO THE GROUND

SERGEANT IVOR
Shut it you upper class smart arse. Ever since Jack Straw sentenced Ronni Biggs to die in prison, he's found that locking up elderly criminals is the easiest way to look tough on crime.

CAPTAIN MANNERING
But we're innocent!

SERGEANT IVOR
Planning to vandalise marrows vital to the war effort, you've all got guns I bet you're in Al Quaeda.

LANCE CORPORAL JONES
I say Mr Mannering this is just like when I was in the Boer War, they don't like it up them.

SERGEANT IVOR
And he's getting charged with rape. Take them away, not the kid though he's probably got a knife.

SOUND OF STRUGGLE AS THE HOME GUARD ARE DRAGGED OF.

SERGEANT IVOR ON RADIO
Right WPC Amy Thingusay how's the operation to arrest those OAP Hooligans in Yorkshire going?

WPC AMY
Could be better sir, they tried to escape down hill in an old bath tub so we shot them.

View original

Quote: Badge @ July 4 2009, 12:34 AM BST

The Nazi storm troopers line really throws it off kilter and confuses the whole dang sketch.

I like the ending.

View original

Right now put that into the sketch! It takes a village to make me coherent.

No need to shoot Godfrey or cosh Wilson, just harsh words would do. It works without the violence.

Excellent idea to close with Last of the Summer Wine reference.

*sp Walmington-on-Sea & Mainwaring.

I do believe that Mannering should be spelt Mainwaring - but I may be wrong and it's probably not important.