Ten Down Nine Letters - a one page play.

Just as Afinkawan did in this thread, here is my little effort which I submitted to the one page play contest

TEN DOWN NINE LETTERS by Mikey Jackson

HUSBAND:
I'm stuck on this one, dear. Ten down. Nine letters. The fifth letter is an S.

WIFE:
(WEARILY) And what's the clue this time?

HUSBAND:
An unhealthy follower.

WIFE:
An unhealthy follower? Um. A fat fan?

HUSBAND:
Don't be so absurd. Not enough letters. And, like I said, it's got to have an S in it.

WIFE:
I'm only trying to help. It's the crossword's fault. It shouldn't be so cryptic.

HUSBAND:
It's supposed to be cryptic. That's the whole point.

WIFE:
Oh, darling. I'm tired of this now.

HUSBAND:
But we could win a thousand pounds.

WIFE:
Oh, you and your competitions. Every contest you see, you have to enter it.

HUSBAND:
You've got to be in it to win it.

WIFE:
But you never win anything.

HUSBAND:
We won that year's supply of baked beans once.

WIFE:
Yes and we're still trying to get through them.

HUSBAND:
And we could win that cruise. You never know.

WIFE:
I don't think the sentence "I'd like to visit the Caribbean because I love entering competitions" stands much of a chance of winning, do you?

HUSBAND:
Oh, come on. Help me out here. Nine letters. An unhealthy follower.

WIFE:I can't dear. I've got to make our beans on toast. Oh, I don't know. This unhealthy obsession of yours...

HUSBAND:
Aha! That's it! Nine letters. An unhealthy follower. Unhealthy obsession. Obsession. Thank you, dear. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Yeah, that was good, I straight away was reminded of 'the smoking room' with the talk of crosswords, I like the way you wrapped the piece.

The laugh for me came ON ' I don't think the sentence "I'd like to visit the Caribbean because I love entering competitions" stands much of a chance of winning, do you?''

Maybe a missed fart gag with the beans and there's a little to much filler.

Good skit all in all =]

I don't have a cross word to say about it.

Thanks for reading.

I don't have a cross word to say about it.

Badoom-tish!

That worked it's way round nicely Mikey. As said, room for a couple more gags in there. Not in the least bit offensive, which is unusual in a good way.

BTW, I think the solution should be [an] obsessive rather than obsession.

If you apply my every play should have three acts to this Mikey how do you see it?

[And do yourself a favour and drop the underlining - I know we've had the it's my style argument before but it won't help honestly, it's like spelling things out slowly and loudly to the reader]

Best of luck with the comp meanwhile.

It's a bit late as you've entered it but as a play rather than a sketch, maybe it would be better to lose the lines like "we won that year's supply of baked beans once." Would a husband and wife need to tell each other such facts? No... because they're probably too busy bickering anyway.

Just a line like "we've still not got through the year's supply of beans" might be better, or even a more subtle reference.

Nicely written, good dialogue, light-hearted. Enjoyed it.

Similar idea to one I had a few months ago, albeit mine was more of a sketch and not as well written dialogue-wise.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11690#P372240

If you apply my every play should have three acts to this Mikey how do you see it?

Um... er... Act 1 is the discussion about the crossword clue.
Act 2 is when she's tired of it and comlains about his contast contest entering.
Act 3 , I guess, is the realisation of the clue.

And do yourself a favour and drop the underlining - I know we've had the it's my style argument before but it won't help honestly, it's like spelling things out slowly and loudly to the reader

Ah, yes. I remember that debate. ...but the underlining shows where the emphasis is.
Without them, some lines in a script could be interpreted differently.

Or is there a better way to add emphasis?

That worked it's way round nicely Mikey. As said, room for a couple more gags in there. Not in the least bit offensive, which is unusual in a good way.

BTW, I think the solution should be an obsessive rather than obsession.

Thank you. Oh, and yes, I suppose the solution could be "obsessive."

It's a bit late as you've entered it but as a play rather than a sketch, maybe it would be better to lose the lines like "we won that year's supply of baked beans once." Would a husband and wife need to tell each other such facts? No... because they're probably too busy bickering anyway.

Just a line like "we've still not got through the year's supply of beans" might be better, or even a more subtle reference.

Yes, you're right. Ah, that wonderful exposition trap.

Nicely written, good dialogue, light-hearted. Enjoyed it.

Similar idea to one I had a few months ago, albeit mine was more of a sketch and not as well written dialogue-wise.

Thanks. Your sketch was cool too.

Quote: Mikey Jackson @ July 5 2009, 11:15 PM BST

Ah, yes. I remember that debate. ...but the underlining shows where the emphasis is.
Without them, some lines in a script could be interpreted differently.

Or is there a better way to add emphasis?

View original

Basically you have to give the person reading some credit. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it sparingly, but not to the extent you do at times!

'Um... er... Act 1 is the discussion about the crossword clue.
Act 2 is when she's tired of it and comlains about his contast contest entering.
Act 3 , I guess, is the realisation of the clue.'

You see these aren't acts Mikey. A play tells a story. Things change at the end of every act. Emotionally, narratively. It's not just a beginning a middle and an end. It's a begining, end of act one, act, two and act three. Something has to change at each point. It could be that the audience learns something they didn't already know or it could be a reversal in the fortunes of the protagonist. I am just making these points to illustrate the difference between a sketch and a play. A sketch doesn't have to do any of these things whereas a play does. Even if it's only a one page play it still has to tell a story. Even if the story is we learn who these character really are by the end of it. We know who your characters are from the outselt and that perception doesn't change. You can;t make a melody out of a single note if you will allow a bit of pretentious metaphorical twaddle.

'Ah, yes. I remember that debate. ...but the underlining shows where the emphasis is.
Without them, some lines in a script could be interpreted differently.

Or is there a better way to add emphasis?'

It really, really should just come from the dialogue, that's part of the job. Give a nod in the stage directions, sparingly, or very, very occasionaly [hen's teeth rare] italicise it. Trust me on that one if nothing else!