Feels Great. Looks Bad. Smells Bad.

I woke up. I felt great. I got up. I felt great. I head off to work, feeling great.
At the bus stop the man in front of me sniffs the air. He turned. Looked
at me and said.
"You ought to see a hygienist, mate. You smell bad. How do you feel?"

"I feel great." I say. "How do I look?"

"You look wrinkly, not too good. You ought to see a doctor" He tells me.

I get on the crowded bus and at the next stop everyone gets off. Gasping.
The driver comes up to me. He says, "You smell so bad everyone's had to
get off the bus. And you look bad, too. You all right? "

"Yeah, I feel great. In fact I feel so good I'll walk to work and let everyone
continue their journeys."

I got to work and was clocking in when Billy comes up and says, "Blimey, you
don't 'arf look bad, and Jesus, you smell bad too. You all right?"

This went on all morning and even though I feel great I thought I'd better make
sure there's nothing wrong with me. That's why I came to see you, doctor."

He gives me a thorough check-up. Finds nothing wrong. Then he sits down,
scratching his chin. I can see he's working on it. Then he grabs this six-inch
thick medical diagnostics book and starts to flip pages, repeatedly saying to
himself "feels great, looks bad, smells bad."
Must have been twenty minutes before stops flipping. In an exited whisper he
says to himself "Bloody hell, I think I've got it."

"Contagious, is it?" I ask him.

"What? Oh, no. I've found the thing that describes your symptoms, perfectly."

"What it it doctor. Is it serious?"

Well, the good news is it isn't an infirmity."

"What is it, doc? Tell me. I can take it."

"Well, according to my medical Bible, you've got vagina."

v.poor
You must be going out with the wrong girls.

To make it funny, you probably need to have the line "feels great, looks bad, smells bad" nearer to "you've got a vagina".

Even then, not great.

Thanks. It NOW occurs to me that the doc. should have said. "You're a c**t."

Well judging by the effort you put into your profile you're probably not an eater of Hobbits. But this is an oddity it's obviously written with care and effort. It's a rather old joke and it's not funny and makes me wander if this is a bit of a windup?

I'm a masochist. Thanks for giving me pleasure.

This is the kind of misognyst humour that it's damn near impossible to sell. You could always add an even nastier punch.

e.g.
The Dr shoves his head up your arse and shouts "I'm a prick!"
or
The Dr throws yoghurt in your face and adds "You've got thrush."

I love subtlety, too. Let's find another theme to ream. I think this one's just about done.