Villa Taliban

I thought I'd add one more from the newsjack dung-heap. I rather liked this attempt at a Miles undercover, but that probably just shows what I know. Any thoughts would be welcome.

MILES: In the wake of the revelation that a Taliban fighter killed in Afghanistan had an Aston Villa tattoo, I've gone undercover to investigate the disturbing links between football fans and insurgents around the world. Today I'm meeting a leading Villa fan who wishes only to be known as Holt-End Harry to discover the horrifying extent of these contacts.

VILLA FANSTRONG BRUMMIE ACCENT) Hello Miles.

MILES: Harry, were you surprised to hear of the Aston Villa fan fighting for the Taliban?

VILLA FAN:Not really Miles, there has long been a feeling amongst a hard core of fans that Villa need to be a lot more attack-minded.

MILES: But surely that is reasoning which is so odd it borders on the surreal?

VILLA FAN:Well, yes Miles. But then again, he had already chosen to support Aston Villa.

MILES: Having had\the advantage of Harry's <BEAT> insight. I have come to see Professor Henderson of Birmingham University's Cultural History Department for a more academic perspective. Professor, do you think this was an isolated incident?

PROFESSOR:Absolutely not, Miles. This is all part of a wide-ranging cultural exchange between the Taliban and Aston Villa's fan club.

MILES: What?

PROFESSORh yes. Villa fans travel to support the Taliban in their struggles and Taliban fighters bring their unique band of passion to the Holt End.

MILES: Do you have any evidence for this?

PROFESSOR: Well yes, if you carefully observe Villa Park home games there are a number of clues. The sales of claret and blue turbans have gone up almost 200% in the past year and goals are often celebrated by the firing of Kalashnikovs. And of course there's this:

FX FOOTBALL CHANT TO THE TUNE OF 'WHO'S THE WANKER IN THE BLACK'

CROWD: Who's the infidel? Who's the infidel? Who's the infidel in the partial hajib?

MILES: Shocking. Is this the first instance of links between football fan clubs and terrorist organizations?

PROFESSOR: By no means. For example, Leighton only added the Orient to their name to show their support for Chairman Mao's Communist rebels against the Koumintang. And of course there's Leeds United's well-documented solidarity with the H Block prisoners in the Maze.

MILES: What? I've never heard about that!

PROFESSOR: Absolutely. The whole of Don Revie's time at Leeds was essentially one long dirty protest.

MILES: Perhaps the final word in this sorry affair needs to come from a real Villa fan. I spoke to Holt end Harry again and put to him perhaps the most worrying accusation of all.

MILES: Harry, is there any truth in the rumour that, on his recent transfer to Manchester City, the Aston Villa fan club issued a Fatwah on Gareth Barry?

VILLA FANSTRONG BRUMMIE ACCENT) God love ya, no, Miles. We invited him to Fat Wahs, its a Mongolian Buffet and Karaoke bar in Digbeth.

MILES: Oh.

VILLA FAN: Do you want to come? It's a bostin' night out.

MILES: No.

I thought that was great. I can see why it woulden't get on Newsjack though, bit too dense. There's a lot to follow and does require a bit more knowledge of the subject than I imagine they'd expect their audience to have. Still, it's funny.

Got anything else?

Hi Ponderer

It's well-written. Just that he's more interviewing than undercover, really. He's not really tried to infiltrate their ways at all. Also, in those sketches he kind of comes across as a bit of a misinformed idiot.

That's not to say your sketch isn't good. It's just not a 'Miles Undercover' sketch, in my opinion. I do think it needs a stronger ending though.

Also, I've found that Radio 4/7 don't really 'do' footy sketches when I've tried them. That or they need to have a wider appeal (ie only the really top football stories).

Well done though

Dan

Quote: evelynblake @ June 28 2009, 10:08 PM BST

I thought that was great. I can see why it woulden't get on Newsjack though, bit too dense. There's a lot to follow and does require a bit more knowledge of the subject than I imagine they'd expect their audience to have. Still, it's funny.

Got anything else?

View original

Thanks Evelyn. Dense is what I do, sadly. I think there is a black hole somewhere in my family tree. In terms of more, I've got lots of ordinary sketches but topical I do rarely as I find it hard. I only sent this and a celeb diary for Alan Sugar as enterprise Tsar which had him in charge of The Enterprise (see what I did there?)and trying to get Uhura to use an Amstrad emailer to contact starfleet etc. before, naturally, sacking the one in the red shirt. Liked the idea but the execution was frankly pretty average. If I get my arse in gear this morning I confidently expect to have some more rejects to share by thursday

Quote: swerytd @ June 29 2009, 8:54 AM BST

Hi Ponderer

It's well-written. Just that he's more interviewing than undercover, really. He's not really tried to infiltrate their ways at all. Also, in those sketches he kind of comes across as a bit of a misinformed idiot.

That's not to say your sketch isn't good. It's just not a 'Miles Undercover' sketch, in my opinion. I do think it needs a stronger ending though.

Also, I've found that Radio 4/7 don't really 'do' footy sketches when I've tried them. That or they need to have a wider appeal (ie only the really top football stories).

Well done though

Dan

View original

Thanks Dan. Very good points, as usual. In my defence, I was overseas working at the time and missed the pilot show and No.1 didn't have a 'Miles Undercover' feature so I was guessing the tone. Having heard this weeks farmers one I can see exactly what you mean. The footy thing was at the back of my mind too. I wrote what I believed to be an excellent sketch for Tilt when Capello became England manager, but not only was it received with stony silence but they didn't touch the whole story as far as I recall. In truth I didn't really see this as a football sketch, but on reflection maybe it drew too much on football culture.

Well, the one Jane and I put together was also a 'Miles Undercover' one (see somewhere in this forum) and that was rejected too. I waited with baited breath for this week's MU sketch just so I could say 'Not as good as ours!' and there wasn't one.

It proves that our entries were not 'better than nothing'.

Dan