BNP1

TREVOR PHILIPS ANSWERS THE PHONE FROM NICK GRIFFIN

TREVOR
Hello Trevor Philips head of the Commision for Racial equality.

NICK
Oh hi Trevor this is Nick Griffin head of the British National Party.

TREVOR
Oh I see you want me to withdrew my application to join your party do you? Well I will not be intimidated!

NICK
Actually Trevor I was phoning you to congratulate we've accepted your application.

TREVOR
You're joking! Equal rights like the Ashes is nothing to joke about

NICK
No Trevor we're completely serious. We've had a recent audit of our party membership and they're mostly AHs and 2SVs.

TREVOR
AH and 2SV?

NICK
Arse holes or too stupid to vote. Frankly we only won a couple of European seats on account of Gordon Brown being less popular than Silvio Berlusconni at international women's day.

TREVOR
As the head of the comission for racial equality I can not be associated with a sleazy bunch of racist nut cases like you!

NICK
Oh come on Trevor if you join us and we kick all the foreign races out, you'll have England's easiest job.
No foreign races would equal a 7 day weekend for you.

TREVOR
Now you put it like that, it does sound more attractive.

NICK
Excellent now if you could just put a brick through your window and deliver yourself some hatemail you're in!

That's a nice little sketch, but if you think it is necessary to spell out exactly who everyone is, you could do it a little less clunkily e.g.

Quote: sootyj @ June 27 2009, 9:19 AM BST

TREVOR PHILIPS ANSWERS THE PHONE FROM NICK GRIFFIN

TREVOR
Hello Trevor Philips.

NICK
Oh hi Trevor this is Nick Griffin.

TREVOR
Oh I see you want me to withdrew my application to join the British National Party do you? Well I will not be intimidated!

NICK
Actually Trevor I was phoning you to congratulate we've accepted your application.

TREVOR
You're joking! Equal rights like the Ashes is nothing to joke about

NICK
No Trevor we're completely serious. We've had a recent audit of our party membership and they're mostly AHs and 2SVs.

TREVOR
AH and 2SV?

NICK
Arse holes or too stupid to vote. Frankly we only won a couple of European seats on account of Gordon Brown being less popular than Silvio Berlusconni at international women's day.

TREVOR
I'm not going to associate myself with a sleazy bunch of racist nut cases like you!

NICK
Oh come on Trevor if you join us and we kick all the foreign races out, as the head of the comission for racial equality you'll have England's easiest job. It'll be a 7 day weekend.

TREVOR
Now you put it like that, it does sound more attractive.

NICK
Excellent now if you could just put a brick through your window and deliver yourself some hatemail you're in!

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Incidentally the Ashes gag, and particularly, the Berlusconi gag, felt a bit tacked on.

Yup agree with Timbo. Very good, but for me the Ashes line especially broke the rhythm without adding anything.

Yup you guys are both right and thanks. This is a Newsjack attempt and they seem to go for that sort of thing.

But I think you're both right so those bits will be excised in the next edit.

Quote: sootyj @ June 27 2009, 9:19 AM BST

TREVOR PHILIPS ANSWERS THE PHONE FROM NICK GRIFFIN

TREVOR
Hello Trevor Philips.

NICK
Oh hi Trevor this is Nick Griffin head of the British National Party.

TREVOR
Oh I see you want me to withdrew my application to join your party do you? Well I will not be intimidated!

NICK
Actually Trevor I was phoning you to congratulate we've accepted your application.

TREVOR
You're joking!

NICK
No Trevor we're completely serious. Most voters fit into neat categories; Conservatives are 1BC small business owners, Labour voters are 2EDs public service workers. Most BNP voters are 2SV.

TREVOR
2SV?

NICK
Too stupid to vote. Frankly we need a few members who can read more than Page3 of the Sun.

TREVOR
As the head of the comission for racial equality I can not be associated with a sleazy bunch of racist nut cases like you!

NICK
Oh come on Trevor if you join us and we kick all the foreign races out, you'll have England's easiest job.
No foreign races would equal a 7 day weekend for you.

TREVOR
Now you put it like that, it does sound more attractive. You are aware I'm black aren't you.

NICK
No problem just put a brick through your window and deliver yourself some hatemail and you're in!

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