A MAN enters a taxidemists swinging a plastic bag.
ASSISTANT.
"Afternoon, Sir. How may I help you, sir?"
MAN
"I want you to stuff this" and plonks the bag on the counter.
ASSISTANT
Picks up the bag and tips a fresh, floppy octopus onto the counter.
"Mmm, this is a new one on me. Never done a mollusc before. Still,
there's a first time for everything, isn't there sir?"
MAN
"Can you do it?"
ASSISTANT
"Not while any one's watching. Just my lttle joke, sir. I'm sure
you mean "stuffing", don't you, sir. Yes, this is a stuffable. No
problem at all, sir."
MAN
"How much?"
ASSISTANT
"Oh, I think we can saftely say all of it, sir."
MAN
"No, I mean how much will it cost?"
ASSISTANT
"My word, I was slow there, wasn't I, sir. Let's see."
For some minutes he bangs away on a calculator. Brow furrrowed in
severe concentration.
"According to my digital support mechanism, sir, this little beauty is
going to set you back two hundred and fifty of Her Majesty's negotiables.
MAN
"What, two hundred and fifty quid for this multi-limbed bit of slime?"
ASSISTANT
"Yes, it may seem a little exorbitant to a layperson, sir. But this
erm, over endowed decendant of the Boston strangler, will require a
a heavily scheduled drying process. And prior to the cavity fillings
it will need to be epidermaly recuperated."
MAN
"So half-five's out of the question, then?"
ASSISTANT
"What a witty one you are, sir."
MAN
"That's a No, is it?"
ASSISTANT
"Half-five Wednesday-week would be a certifiable Yes, sir.
But a for a time frame of 50 minutes you'll need the help
of big 'G', sir."
MAN
"The wife's got her Nautilus club mates coming at eight. What
about skipping the drying bollocks and just stuff it like it is?"
ASSISTANT
"Would that I could, sir. But no-can-do, rules here, sir."
MAN
"Got any glass eyes?"
ASSISTANT.
"What?"
MAN
"Look, I ain't got time to piss about. Just stick a coupla eyes
in it. I'll whip it home and fast freeze it. That'll get me out
of shtuk for tonight.
ASSISTANT
"If that'll do the job, sir, I can't help but wonder why you wanted
it stuffed in the first place?"
"It's the wife that wants stuffing. Not me."
ASSISTANT
"A little harsh, sir. But I see what you mean.
When can you bring her in?
Just my little joke, sir."
END
Desiderius Erasmus
In the land of the blind,eh?".