JENNIFER AND TAMSIN ARE WALKING THROUGH A BUSY SHOP TALKING.
TAMSIN
Right so this is the London flagship store of Abercombie and Fitch I'm here to carry out an inspection of your back room.
JENNIFER
How was I to know the one armed pain in the bum was going to make such a bloody fuss?
TAMSIN
Sticking that girl in the backroom to fold clothes to hide her from customers was appaling
IT IS NOW QUIET, EERILY SO.
JENNIFER
Ok this is the backroom, are you sure you want to go in?
TAMSIN
Too bloody right I'm with the disability discrimination comission. That's quite a hefty door.
SOUND OF HEAVY BOLTS BEING PULLED BACK AND A MASSIVE DOOR BEING OPENED.
SOUND OF A MAN HOPPING OUT.
PIRATE
Yaaarrhh! Ye scurvy dogs ye locked me in this here dungeon pricing socks for nigh on 10 years. All because I had one eye and a hook for a hand.
TAMSIN
Long John Silver?
SOUND OF A HEAVY SLOBBERING FIGURE DRAGGING IT'S SELF OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
QUASIDOMO
The bells! The bells! The bell bottoms have all been priced.
TAMSIN
The hunchback of Notredame?
JENNIFER
Look you and I know Abbercrombie and Fitch have an image to maintain. We made JFKs blazers. Black Beard and Quasimodo may be hard workers but they're not our look.
TASMIN
Is that is anyone else lurking down there?
JENNIFER
Just the one he's a little...
SOUND OF MASSIVE BOOTS CLIMBING THE STAIRS.
TASMIN
Frankensteins monster!
FRANKENSTEIN
Hate the living love the dead fold the pants.
SOUND OF A FLAMING TORCH BEING LIT.
JENNIFER
Get back you Godless monster!
TASMIN
He may be an undead Godless monster but you can't lock him up for it you bigot!
JENNIFER
That's not why I'm locking him in the cellar.
STEPHEN HAWKING
It's not time for his fag break yet.