British Comedy Guide

Secret research centre

Another offering, let me know what you think.

EXT RESEARCH CENTRE

A FEMALE JOURNALIST, (SUE ALLEN) STANDS OUTSIDE THE GATES OF A BUILDING. A SIGN READS 'IMPORTANT SECRET RESEARCH FACILITY'. SHE ADDRESSES THE CAMERA.

SUE:
It has come to our attention that the NHS is shovelling £60 million of tax-payers money into this research centre. The centre is shrouded in mystery; nobody from the centre will talk to us.

SUE TRYS TO STOP SEVERAL MEN DRESSED IN LAB COATS THEY ALL PUSH PAST HER AND MOVE THROUGH THE GATES. AFTER A FEW ATTEMPTS SUE GIVES UP AND TURNS TO THE CAMERA.

SUE:
Well is doesn't look like we'll be getting any answers today.

EXT STREET

SUE APPROACHES THE FRONT DOOR OF A MOCK TUDOR DETATCHED HOUSE.

SUE:
(To camera) We've tracked down a scientist who works at the facility; he's agreed to talk to us as long as he remains anonymous.

INT LIVING ROOM

THE SCIENTIST SITS IN A CHAIR HE IS SILHOUETTED, HIS VOICE IS DISGUISED.

SUE:
(VO) I'd firstly like to thank you for talking to us, you're a brave man. Now let's start with what your role at the research centre is.

ANON:
Well there really is one role in the research centre; one role one goal's the motto. We're all there for the same reason.

SUE:
Can you tell us how many of you there are and what that role is?

ANON:
There are around six hundred scientists, all male; we're searching for a link between female health and the ingestion of semen.

SUE:
I'm sorry... there's six hundred people in there all searching for a link between women's health and semen...swallowing semen? How long has the centre been open?

ANON:
Well I've been there for ten years. It must have been going for a few years before that...maybe twenty years all told.

SUE:
Twenty years? That's over a billion pounds, what's the purpose of the research.

ANON:
It's for the 'well being' of the male populous.

SUE:
Bloody hell I can't believe this you selfish bastards all that money...well at least tell us what has been found to date.

ANON:
Umm well as yet no positive link can be found, the biggest problem has been finding a woman to ingest any.

END

Hi pedros

This is way too long for what it is. You don't need any of the preamble, just cut straight to the bloke being interviewed with a brief introduction of the story.

Personally, I didn't find it that funny. The punchline is not bad, but not nearly funny enough to justify the setup in my opinion.

Dan

It is a bit long, and I rushed the ending. It was going to have more lines like 'the ends justify the means' etc. Criticism accepted. Thanks.

Pete

I like this but agree about less preamble. And it's a good punchline but could do with being a bit perked up.

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