Beep and turn over.

A BRAVE TOMMY IS BEING INTERROGATED BY 2 TERRORIST BASTARDS IN A CELLAR.

TOMMY
I am Corporal Chives 21134, that's all I'll say.

TERRORIST BASTARD1
Oh you will talk, when's Gordon Brown arriving how much security does his convioy have damn it! Beep turn the tape over.

TOMMY
What was that?

TERRORIST BASTARD1
What was what? Beep turn the tape over.

TOMMY
You idiot you learned English off some crappy tape.

TERRORIST BASTARD2
Silence you shopkeeper! If you tell me where your toilet is I will make a small purchase from your establishment.

TOMMY BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.

TERRORIST BASTARD1
You're doing worse than me. Beep turn the tape over.

TERRORIST BASTARD2
I have pain in my anus have you something for diarea?

TOMMY FALLS OVER LAUGHING.

TERRORIST BASTARD1
Can we atleast stop talking in English to each other it's making us look foolish. Beep turn the tape over.

TERRORIST BASTARD2 (SUBTITLED)
No how often do we get to practise our English.

THE SAS BURST IN AND GUN DOWN TERRORIST BASTARD1, THEY RELEASE TOMMY AND TIE TERRORIST BASTARD2 TO A CHAIR ONE OF THEM PRODUCES A FEIRSOME LOOKING ELECTRO SHOCK MACHINE.

TOMMY
I wouldn't bother torturing him you shot the one that spoke English.

SAS CAPTAIN
Don't worry Corporal we've got the lastest kit from Q Branch.

SAS CAPTAIN PULLS OUT AN IPOD AND PRESSES THE SCREEN

IPOD (IN CAMP VOICE AND SUBTITLED)
Do you have any lubricant and can you direct me to the nearest gay bar?

TERRORIST BASTARD2
I have pain in my anus.

IPOD
You will do!

I like it sooty.

TERRORIST BASTARD = RACIST

I don't usually bother with spelling but!

Convoy (lose the i)
Diarrhoea
Fearsome
Practice
Latest (lastest)

Like it

My nipples explode with delight.

Actually inspired by a passing comment in the Saturday Guardian about learning French at school.

Thanks glad you liked it.

Quote: sootyj @ June 23 2009, 3:31 PM BST

Actually inspired by a passing comment in the Saturday Guardian

View original

Ahh, so you're the one.

Must be a way of giving 'Beep and turn over' a rude connotation around the 'painful anus' section of the sketch...

...or have I finally lost it?

That's a good idea! I just banged this out in Hammersmith library when I was bored.

Quote: sootyj @ June 23 2009, 5:16 PM BST

That's a good idea! I just banged this out in Hammersmith library when I was bored.

View original

I hopethat's all you banged out there

Love the use of the "beep and turn over". Though I suppose ever new schoolchildren might use CDs? Not that it matters.

Sorry Sooty but it didn't make sense to me. There are people who can't talk English talking English when it suits and then not understanding/talking English when it suits. There's an idea here but I don't think it works as it stands.

Well, it made me laugh.

I think it would be better if at the end of each sentence was a different thing those tapes say. ie. start with him saying his line, then 'repeat after me!', which causes a bit of confusion. Then something else ambiguous, and then when he says 'turn the tape over' (or 'insert CD2') it becomes clear what the problem is.

Big punch would be the SAS Captain smashing in and screaming something menacingly in <unidentified language> whilst pointing the gun at them, so we assume it's 'Get your f**king selves on the ground and put your hands up', but when asked to repeat himself, the subtitles could say something like 'Take the first left and then next right and the train station should be directly in front of you. See you soon!'

Great concept, though! The sort of thing RFTP might like, if it was really tightly scripted.

Dan

A good idea but Swertyd's suggestion might draw out the confusion and then the realisation of what's happening.

Quote: Badge @ June 24 2009, 12:48 AM BST

Sorry Sooty but it didn't make sense to me. There are people who can't talk English talking English when it suits and then not understanding/talking English when it suits. There's an idea here but I don't think it works as it stands.

View original

The bits where they speak clearly are supposed to be in foreign and subtitled.

Probably not clear I'll think how to make it clearer.

Thanks.

Quote: swerytd @ June 24 2009, 1:15 PM BST

Big punch would be the SAS Captain smashing in and screaming something menacingly in <unidentified language> whilst pointing the gun at them, so we assume it's 'Get your f**king selves on the ground and put your hands up', but when asked to repeat himself, the subtitles could say something like 'Take the first left and then next right and the train station should be directly in front of you. See you soon!'
Dan

View original

That feels a little too much what people are expecting to me.

Quote: sootyj @ June 23 2009, 12:01 PM BST

A BRAVE TOMMY IS BEING INTERROGATED BY 2 TERRORIST BASTARDS IN A CELLAR.

TOMMY
I am Corporal Chives 21134, that's all I'll say.

TERRORIST BASTARD1 (IN OBVIOUSLY STRAINED RP ENGLISH)
Oh you will talk, when's Gordon Brown arriving how much security does his convioy have damn it! Beep turn the tape over.

TOMMY
What was that?

TERRORIST BASTARD1 (IN OBVIOUSLY STRAINED RP ENGLISH)
What was what? Beep turn the tape over.

TOMMY
You idiot you learned English off some crappy tape.

TERRORIST BASTARD2 (IN OBVIOUSLY STRAINED RP ENGLISH)
Silence you shopkeeper! If you tell me where your toilet is I will make a small purchase from your establishment.

TOMMY BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.

TERRORIST BASTARD1 (IN OBVIOUSLY STRAINED RP ENGLISH)
You're doing worse than me. Beep turn the tape over.

TERRORIST BASTARD2 (IN OBVIOUSLY STRAINED RP ENGLISH)
I have pain in my anus have you something for diarea?

TOMMY FALLS OVER LAUGHING.

TERRORIST BASTARD1 (IN ANGRY FOREIGN TYPE ACCENT)
Can we atleast stop talking in English to each other it's making us look foolish. Beep turn the tape over.

TERRORIST BASTARD2 (IN ANGRY FOREIGN TYPE ACCENT)
No how often do we get to practise our English.

THE SAS BURST IN AND GUN DOWN TERRORIST BASTARD1, THEY RELEASE TOMMY AND TIE TERRORIST BASTARD2 TO A CHAIR ONE OF THEM PRODUCES A FEIRSOME LOOKING ELECTRO SHOCK MACHINE.

TOMMY
I wouldn't bother torturing him you shot the one that spoke English.

SAS CAPTAIN
Don't worry Corporal we've got the lastest kit from Q Branch.

SAS CAPTAIN PULLS OUT AN IPOD AND PRESSES THE SCREEN

IPOD (IN CAMP VOICE FOREIGN VOICE)
Do you have any lubricant and can you direct me to the nearest gay bar?

TERRORIST BASTARD2 (IN OBVIOUSLY STRAINED RP ENGLISH, BUT FULL OF RIGHTEOUS FURY.)
I have pain in my anus.

IPOD
You will do!

View original

I've changed it from subtitles to when ever people speak in foreign it's with a heavy foreign accent ala Allo Allo.

A dark sketch what I wrote and am bumping cos I can't be bothered to write anyfing new