Hi, I've come up with some sketch ideas recently. I quite like them, and would like to pan them out a bit more, but coming up with a bit of a mental block when it comes to that. Anyhow, any feedback would be appreciated. Ta.
The American remake of Lord of the Rings
Frodo and the crew are running away from the dark horsemen when out of nowhere the US army brutally take out the horsemen, restrains Frodo with ease and take the ring. Samwise Ganges tries to stand up for master Frodo but fails massively, and he's tazered. They put the hobbits into little orange jumpsuits and lead them to a jeep. The US army then radios into base to tell them that they've achieved their objective and are awaiting orders.
Meanwhile a US officer goes into a Generals office to tell the general they've picked up a suspicious character hanging around a swamp. The general tells the officer to take the character to an interrogation room and the officer radios another officer telling him to do so. The general gets up from his desk and walks down a few corriders and when he gets to the interrogation room, Gollum is there. Gollum is interrogated and tortured in a brutal way, and is treated like a terrorist. The general is screaming 'who are you working for?' while Gollum is screaming back 'I live by the swamp and like fish.' In the end Gollum breaks down in tears, shouting 'what did I ever do to you?'
Meanwhile the US army are mobilising. An army of Orcs appear on screen only for a Plane to drop a f**k off big bomb on them wiping them all out. Saraman, the evil wizard is seen laughing manically in his castle, when a bomb takes him out too. Then the US army fly over the volcano in a helicopter and drop the ring into it. As Mordor starts to crumble, the big flaming eye thing gives out a surprised noise, like 'this wasn't in the script.'
Postman Che Guevara
Postman Pat enters the post office smiling and amiable accompanied as always by Jess the Cat. There is a friendly mood in the post office and Postmistress Goggins is very happy to see Pat and Jess.
Mrs Goggins (in a jolly Lancastrian accent): Hello Pat! Hello Jess!
Postman Pat (also in a jolly Lancastrian voice): Hello Mrs Goggins… well I'm all finished for the day. Think I'm going to go back home, put me feet up, and have a nice cup of tea.
Mrs Goggins: What a good idea! I bet Jess could do with a saucer of milk too!
Postman Pat: Oh, you can be sure of that Mrs Goggins! Ok then, come on Jess… let's get you home. See you tomorrow Mrs Goggins!
Mrs Goggins: See you tomorrow Pat! Oh Pat? On your way back could you drop this parcel off at Granny Dryden's cottage? It came in late.
A dark chord on a synthesiser is played as Pat pauses solemnly at the door. The atmosphere in the post office turns darker. Pat turns around slowly
Postman Pat: (Angrily and in a deep, grizzly Lancastrian voice) Listen Goggins, I've about had it with you, I'm going to the bloody unions on this one.
Mrs Goggins: (aghast) But Pat, it's just on your way home…
Postman Pat: No Goggins, I've done me thirty seven hours for the week. Management think they can push us around like this… not bloody likely!
Later on there's a clip of Postman Pat outside the post office leading other postmen who look similarly like him on a strike. He make a speech using words like comrade and bourgeois as other the other postman pat's cheer him on. Jess is dressed like Che Guevara. A postman tries to enter the post office and everyone chants 'Scab! Scab! Scab!'
Later on, there is a running battle in the street between the postmen and the police and management. Windows are smashed, buildings are set alight and shops are looted, leaving Greendale effectively destroyed. Mrs Goggins is leading a charge towards the postmen and their followers, screaming 'smash the unions!' A few people on each side go down injured and chaos ensues. Pat is seen at the end, desperate and on his knees screaming: 'This is not what I wanted' as he realises what's happened.
Rape Victims get RSPCAed.
Two advertising people are just leaving the office for the day. As they're walking out the office, one of the advertising men asks the other what his plans are for the night. The other says he's got to work on a brief for tomorrow and that he's got to come up with an advert for a rape victim charity. The other guy sympathises, saying something like 'ooo, tough brief.' And the first guy nods in agreement. Then the other guy says, 'do you know that this country gives four times the amount of money to animal charities than it does to rape victim charities. Pretty astonishing if you ask me!'
They say their goodbyes and then the scene cuts to the guy about to start work on his brief in a darkened room in front of his computer. He's struggling for ideas and then the voice of his colleague starts to play over in his head 'did you know that this country give etc.' and it keeps on going around and around, until he gives a look like he's got it. Then we see him typing furiously.
The next scene we see him present it to his bosses and everyones looking pensive but they seem to like the idea.
The next scene is him presenting the advert to a rape victim charity. He turns on a screen.
The advert is one of those RSPCA adverts showing dogs and cats behind cages, except with rape victims. At first you see them behind cages and in kennels and then later running around with their adopted families. There is a voiceover with the kind, gentle voice of an old man that you get on those adverts trying to uplift the audience to give money.
After the adverts over the advertising man stands there proudly smiling at his work, while the charity he's pitching to look at him in stunned, horrified silence.
Meanwhile on the mean streets of Henley upon Thames…
Three men run up to a man. They are dressed in barber jackets and balaclavas. They push the man up against a wall and shout at him: 'give me all your share certificates.' Whimpering in fear the man frantically looks for his share certificates upon his person and hands over the certificates to the other men. Then they shout 'what's your NI number? What's your mothers maiden name?' The man tells them his mothers maiden name in a clear state of panic: 'Fredrickson-Smythe'.
Once satisfied with their takings, the three men start to run off in a very posh way. The slowest man at the back gets taken out by the cops, who then radio into base to tell them the other two 'share muggers' in barber jackets and balaclavas are getting away heading in the direction of the rowing club.
The scene cuts to the other two men who have taken off their balaclavas and are looking at their takings in a darkened room in a rowing club surrounded by boats hanging on the wall. They are very disappointed with their find, saying stuff like: 'Jesus, none of these are even on the FTSE 100'. Then one of the men breaks down crying saying 'I don't know how much longer I can take this. I'm addicted to hunting so much, and I just want out. My life's going nowhere. I just crave the simple life, live in the stockmarket belt in Surrey. Commute to the city each day. Starting salary 100 thou a year. Going skiing in the winter, Maldives in the summer, with the occasional weekend in Monte Carlo. Jesus, I'd even send the kids to Harrow if I had to… Oh God…' *sob* sob*sob*. Then the other guy berates him, saying 'Pull yourself together. You're a cold blooded hunter, pure and simple. You live to hunt that fox. I'm a hunter, you're a hunter, we're all hunters.'
Then they hear the police sirens in the background. They take a boat and take it too the river and try and row for it, with one of the men saying 'I've got a private helicopter in Windsor that could get us to Jersey within the hour.' They are useless at rowing and row into the bank. The police come and arrest them easily, while they look forlorn at being caught.
