Anne Boleyn.

I've been playing around with this one. And could come up with nothing better than the simple approach

Anne Boleyn, Queen of England is stood on the scaffold at Tower Green and is about to address the crowd

Anne: Good Christian people, I am come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die, and therefore I will speak nothing against it. But I pray God save the king and send him long to reign over you, for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never was. <BEAT> The fat f**king bastard.

*********EDIT IS BELOW*************

Good subject for a sketch.
I think you need a trivial reason why she switches abruptly from praising Henry (why the f**k did she do that?) to lambasting him.

Quote: Griff @ June 19 2009, 11:47 PM BST

Hi Bigfella

That's a funny switch to "the fat f**king bastard" but that feels like the beginning of the sketch, not the end. I'd let the speech run on after that, with Anne Boleyn really laying into Henry, her marriage, the Court, MPs expenses, whatever you feel like.

View original

Interesting that you say that Griff,that's just what I did to start with, but thought it was going on a little too long - I'll dig out the first version.

Anne Boleyn, Queen of England is stood on the scaffold at Tower Green and is about to address the crowd

Anne: Good Christian people, I am come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die, and therefore I will speak nothing against it. But I pray God save the king and send him long to reign over you, for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never was. <BEAT> The fat f**king bastard. <BEAT> I mean, how could he hope to give me a son with that shrivelled up little cock of his? His idea of a good time in the sack was a quick fart and plate full of chicken legs! Too be fair the musician would have been a better bet! Or my brother!

Anne looks up at the nobles who convicted her and completely loses the plot.

Anne : BUT AS I DIDN'T SHAG EITHER OF THEM!

Anne regains her original composure.

Anne: I leave this world with only a daughter to remind anyone that I was on his Earth. A daughter, Elizabeth! I mean, what success is she likely to make of her life? And don't you even get me started on that tart Jane Seymour. She looks a weak sickly thing, can't see her lasting long. And his first wife that Spanish whore....

The executioner comes forward.

Executioner: Could we maybe hurry things along your majesty? I've got a few others jobs after this one.

Anne: Oh yes I do apologise, I don't have much to do myself this afternoon as I'm going to DIE!

Executioner looks uncomfortable.

Executioner: Do continue.

Anne: Anyway. As I was saying. Quite frankly with a nutcase like this as King, I wouldn't be surprised to see you back here in a few years going through the same routine. But of course I won't be here to see it will I? Because I'll be DEAD!

Executioner lets out a massive sigh. Anne turns and glares at him.

Anne. HANG ON! Look it won't take long once we get down to it, after all I have such a little neck! (Laughs hysterically) Oh I really can't be arsed. Come on then get on with it!

Anne kneels and the Executioner raises the sword. He swings and does the evil deed.

The Duke of Norfolk steps forward to talk to Executioner.

Norfolk: Excellent job. Now what are you doing in three years? I've got a Katherine Howard scheduled in?