NEWS NIGHT KIRST WALK IS PRESENTING WITH A BLOKE
KIRSTY
Swine Flu has now reached level 6 but what does that mean to you? We have our new Newsnight expert Bloke from the pub.
BLOKE
Well it means if some arsehole coughs on the bus your f**king brown bread. You'll be coughing up your pelvis in a week.
KIRSTY
But is this the same for all forms of type 6 virus, the fatality rate has been quite low.
BLOKE
Nah see if you catch swine flu 6 and your a teacher or a bus driver, then your lazy malingering bastard who should get off to work.
KIRSTY
But what is the diference between 5 and say 7 are these classifications just randomly assigned?
BLOKE
Nah, see level 5 is when you have a bad pint and shit the bed. Type 7 is like on 24 when terrorist bastards almost kill Jack Bauer but he's saved by having atomic antibiotics shoved up his arse.
KIRSTY
Now is true Swine Flu was created by a man f**king a monkey?
BLOKE
Don't be stupid you tart that's AIDS. Swine flu was caused by Islamo-terrorist bastards not eating enough bacon to build up an immunity innit.
KIRSTY
Thank you bloke from down the pub. And now Stephen Fry on why the credit crunch is caused by gay blokes buying handbags.