DRAMATIC NEWS.
NEWSCASTER:
(He states headline in dramatic fashion)
Russia 'shoot down Georgia drone'!
A Russian fighter jet has shot down a bee over Georgia, Georgian authorities say.
Georgia's defence ministry told us it had video footage showing a Russian MiG-29 aircraft shooting down the drone bee on Sunday.
Tensions are high between the neighbours over Russian support for introducing new species of bees and the Georgians move towards remaining a honey bee state.
A possible cause of this latest attack may be an act of retaliation due to a sting a Russian soldier incurred while attempting to knock down a hive on the Russia Georgian boarder.
A Russian spokesman has said that they had targeted no drones but if they had it would only have been because the sting really hurt.
(headline)
TEXAS HOME HIT BY HURRICANE!
A Texan family's house was left in ruins after it was hit by Hurricane Higgins.
Yes. Snooker player Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins was on his way to the Snooker World Championships in Sheffield when he took a wrong turn on the earth and ended up in Texas.
In a statement Higgins said that he was not sure what got into him but when he realised he had taken a wrong turn and ate a few onions in haste his wind increased significantly and when he then realised he had missed his match he started crying profusely.
It wasn't long before he was covering the whole south of the Lone-star State.
Higgins admitted that he did indeed hit the house but it was in frustration more than anything else.
He stated that he had never missed a game in his life so he had to do the next best thing to compensate.
He started bouncing off cushions, getting people to poke him wit a stick and started putting his balls into people's pockets.
(headline)
NASA not worried about asteroid belt!
NASA has moved to quash fears globally of a newly discovered asteroid belt. A NASA spokesperson has today said that they are not worried about the asteroid belt that is heading this way.
NASA SPOKESPERSON:
"We've known about it for some time but we didn't want to alarm anyone as we feel the situation is under control".
NEWSCASTER:
The belt is actually going to land here later today and will be worn by former astronaut Buzz Aldrin in an attempt to hold up his pants.
NASA SPOKESPERSON:
"There's always a degree of pressure with a new belt but we think Buzz can handle it. He is a true legend and I really don't think there is any need for panic".
NEWSCASTER:
A new virus appears to be sweeping the nation. The virus results in people only being able to speak half of each sentence. Doctors investigating the illness have Christened it 'Trailing-off Syndrome' and at least sixty million people are not believed to be affected but there are a few people who are.
We interviewed a man with the illness but we couldn't make any sense of what he was saying. However, the Minister for Viruses held a press conference within the last hour and had this to say:
MINISTER:
(under pressure)
I would just like to clarify right here and now that there is absolutely no need for panic. While I admit the virus did spread a lot quicker than we had first anticipated we have now contained the virus. All the people affected have now been quarantined and are receiving....
Latest results suggest we are not......... So with these results we know we are...... Thank.......
NEWSCASTER:
Experts now believe that at the current rate of global warming by the year 2020 the letters 'j' and 'c' will have been burnt out of the alphabet....(candidly) Esus Hrist!
I'm Ames Hapman wishing you a very goodnight.
Ust before I go I would like to add my ongratulations to……. I'm sure you will all agree that they ertainly…….. But in the end ommon sense prevailed and ustifi'ation was ertainly done for a…….
As the news is usually filled with bad stories I thought I'd tell you a qui'k 'oke about....... A dog and a 'at are 'limbing a mountain and the dog says................
(laughing) Good n.........
END.
