ALAN SUGAR IS TALKING TO JORDAN.
ALAN
I'm Lord bloody Alan bloody Sugar Gordon Brown just invited me into the bloody cabinet, who the bloody hell are you?
JORDAN
I'm Jordan innit, I'm a thick tart with big tits who flashes them in lad mags. I'm replacing Caroline Flint, what's the Lying Scotsman got you doing?
ALAN
I was in the Bloody Jewish Lads and Bloody Girls Brigade so I'm minister of defence.
SUSAN BOYLE WALKS ON
JORDAN
Eer you're that mad virgin off the telly, Susan Boils, Susan off the Boil?
ALAN
Nah it's Susan Boilsport the bloody bad loser, what's old Brown stain got you doing?
SUSAN
Och I'm a bipolar frump, with no friends and learning disabilities I'm replacing him.
ALAN
Bloody hell about time he retired.