CAPTION: THE FOLLOWING IS RAW, UNEDITED FOOTAGE. THE ORIGINAL TAPE IS CURRENTLY UNDERGOING ANALYSIS.
INT. A KID'S PARTY - DAY
It's a fun, noisy children's birthday party.
Shot like a home video.
Up to 5 seconds of this before the scene changes abruptly, as though someone has just recorded over the party footage.
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODLAND - DAY
The transition is sudden, as though the camera has been switched on before being positioned. POV whirls round to join the action in mid-sentence.
TOM has the video camera and so cannot be seen. HARRIET stands in front of the camera. They are both adults, both wear hiking gear.
They appear shaken: they are tense and nervous.
NOTE: Dialogue could be improvised. And funnier than this. This is just a guide:
TOM (O.S.)
I've got it. It's on.
HARRIET
(loud whisper)
Shhh! I heard it again! There's definitely something out there.
Harriet points out into the dense woodland.
HARRIET (CONT'D)
It's over there. Seriously. I saw something move. Over there, Tom. Don't point it at me.
The camera zooms shakily into the woods.
TOM (O.S.)
Sorry, I'm just trying to...
Suddenly: a HUGE ROAR!
Tom and Harriet SCREAM! The camera whirls: confusion.
Then: laughter. From someone other than Tom or Harriet. It's DICK, their friend.
DICK
Gotcha! Hahaha! You should have seen your faces!
Midway through this, the camera finds DICK. He is hysterical with laughter.
HARRIET
You... Dick! You absolute... Have you been following us...
DICK
Since you left the lodge. Yes! Hahaha! Oh man, did you get it all on tape?
HARRIET
Tom, are you all right?
TOM
Jesus... Jesus Christ...
HARRIET
You've scared him half to death.
TOM (O.S.)
Could you... could you hold the camera? I think... I think I've done a poo.
The scene changes abruptly again, as though the over-recording of the kid's party has finished.
CUT TO:
INT. A KID'S PARTY - DAY
More scenes of kiddie party mayhem.
As the camera pans round, we see in the background, holding a plate of party food, wearing a party hat: it's BIGFOOT, walking with the lumbering gait seen in the famous Roger Patterson footage.
As credits roll: Maybe repeat in slow motion with digital zoom.
Or alternatively, blurry snapshots of Bigfoot in the background of other silly social occasions.
END.