British Comedy Guide

Dirty Swingers!

As Duran Duran spin off Arcadia once crooned, 'It's election day' and the protest votes are being cast thick and fast. As a cross between David Snow and Mystic Meg, I'm going to break out my psychic swing-o-meter and make a few minority party predictions.

Greens - we've had no major floods this year, some nice sunny days and everyone's recycling as they're skint - will not do that great.

BNP - people have lost their jobs and homes and need benefits, they perceive that foreigners are to blame or are top of the hand out list despite not paying taxes, etc., etc. - will do well in very despressed white areas.

UKIP - the elephant in the room. The media is writing them off as an ineffectual threat or as BNP-lite - will be the big surprise of the protest vote.

Nationalists - The Scots and Welsh will blame the current crisis on English bankers in London - will take all the labour seats in their regions.

Monster Raving Loony Party - real ale drinking geography teachers who miss the attention they got from dressing up for Red Nose day cannot be tolerated during these harsh times - will be a waste of time as usual.

Agree or disagree with my predictions, though be wary that Nostra-Carpark is rarely wrong (in his mind).

It looks to me as if UKIP are gonna be the big hitters today. BNP lites as you say but In think they are the perfect compramise for alot of people.

The public are angry with the big three, they continue to steer us in the wrong directions, and maybe now those people, who are not so extreme they vote BNP, are thinking UKIP could be the answer. Fresh start and all that!

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