British Comedy Guide

Cockney Cab Driver

INT. HACKNEY CAB – LONDON – DAY

TWO JAPANESE TOURISTS GET INTO THE CAB (MAN AND WIFE) MAN POINTS TO A PLACE ON THE MAP

TAXI DRIVER:
What a lovely day. It's been a while since we've had a bit of Currant Bun. I might even knock off early and have a couple of Britney Spears

JAPANESE COUPLE LOOK CONFUSED

TAXI DRIVER CONTINUED:
Might even get on the old Dog and Bone and see if the lads fancy a Ruby. I'm Hank Marvin

JAPANESE COUPLE STILL LOOK CONFUSED AS CAB PULLS UP

TAXI DRIVER:
Couple of Nelson Mandella's and a Basil Fawlty at the Curry House. Lovely!

JAPANESE MAN LOOKS AT WIFE, SHE GIVES HIM A NOD

JAPANESE MAN:
I don't wish to Darby and Joan, but you can't half Rabbit. I put on my Whistle and Flute and come out with the old Trouble and Strife and all we get is a load of Pony and Trap about you going out with your China Plates. It's all Pete Tong. In fact, It Pen and Inks. Now keep your Mince Pies on the Frog and Toad and keep your North and South Shut

END SCENE

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