"In a coma, you say? Since 2009? Wow!"
"Poor sod - he probably thinks it was all just a dream."
"Igor - my monster lives!"
"If we can't find a locksmith we will never get him back to the mainland in time for the wedding."
"Aaaagh!! A giant cockroach!"
"Well if he's coming round just give him another smack on the head."
"I am sorry, we are going to have let you go - you're just not cut out for the national sheep census."
"Oh, freddled gruntbuglee, thy micturations are to me, as purple gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee..."
Are these blood stained clothes yours sir?
He's awake, can I eat him now?
Pedros, pull your trousers up and turn that filth off.(actually happened)
Ooh the bitter sting of truth!
Aah you fell asleep I'll start at the beginning with my 1,500 unfunny topical skits.
I'm Sir Jeffrey Archer and you can have the bottom bunk.
Hi, I'm Satan. I'm going to be your host for the rest of eternity.
Big Brother House, this is Davina.
"Brake, for chrissakes brake!"
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
"Welcome to Air France flight AF 477"
I hope you don't mind I borrowed your lighter, now these yfronts are burning nicely.
What the hell is your gran doing sat on your face?
The interview room is busy so we're going to fingerprint you now to save some time before you go to court.
You know you said not to let the kids near your computer cos you'd spent all night on some script thing that had to be in today..........
Gather round interns. This patient presents with all the symptoms of being brain dead but on some days you would swear he can hear us.
Chris Moyles
7) Now son, this isn't what it looks like.
8) a long wet fart from your other half.
Quote: Timbo @ June 4 2009, 11:38 PM GMT"Brake, for chrissakes brake!"
lolthat's great
Quote: Minty @ June 4 2009, 3:56 PM GMT10) 3,2,1 . . Fire !
love it.
HOLY SH*T WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR FACE?
Hi I'm Miley Cyrus and I'm going to sing to you
...yeah shot him in the head...
Do you want to come to Hull with me?
Oh let's go to DFS!
Are you SURE you know how to fly an aeroplane?
Look will you please put the lotion on your skin already? This hose is costing me a fortune I'm on a meter.
You spiked your own drink and it seemed to good an oportunity to miss.
Quote: sootyj @ June 4 2009, 3:37 PM GMTHave you put the lotion on your skin yet?
Brilliant 
Hey you're laughing at your edited version of my gag!