You maybe a serial killer if...

You watch CSI like it's a DIY program.
You're disapointed by nudey porn becuase the skins still on.
The voice telling you to kill some one is only drowned out by
The voice telling you to kill everyone.
You've relaid your patio 5 times and isn't it time for a 6th?
You're a HGV driver.
When Sir Alan points at you on telly you know he's telling you to do bad things.
You smile when you see hitchhikers.
You're a dyslexic, obsessive topical sketch writer who works for social services.
You've got a porn video with the snare scene from Watership Down and the bit where Bambi's mum gets offed.
You're dog won't f**king shut up! It may be the voice of God but still you haven't slept in a week.
You've been kicked out of all the Hannibal Lecter films for shouting pussy and aamateur at the screen.
You spend an unhealthy amount of time on comedy forums.

Or when you reach into the fridge and take a frosty 'Bud' off of your next door neighbours forehead?

That sketch did send chills down my spine soot.

I think Cojumbo should get on Sootyj's case.

Nice work.

Ta it's the writers who write about fluffy bunnys you should fear...

Ta it's the writers who write about fluffy bunnys you should fear...

Some really nice ones in there. Personal favourites (with slight tweaks in some cases):

You watch CSI like it's a DIY program.
You're disapointed by porn because the skins are still on.
The voice telling you to kill someone is only drowned out by the voice telling you to kill everyone.
You've relaid your patio 5 times now.
You've been kicked out of all the Hannibal Lecter films for shouting "amateur!" at the screen.

Quote: sootyj @ June 3 2009, 9:39 PM BST

You watch CSI like it's a DIY program.
You're disapointed by nudey porn becuase the skins still on.
The voice telling you to kill some one is only drowned out by
The voice telling you to kill everyone.
You've relaid your patio 5 times and isn't it time for a 6th?
You're a HGV driver.
When Sir Alan points at you on telly you know he's telling you to do bad things.
You smile when you see hitchhikers.
You're a dyslexic, obsessive topical sketch writer who works for social services.
You've got a porn video with the snare scene from Watership Down and the bit where Bambi's mum gets offed.
You're dog won't f**king shut up! It may be the voice of God but still you haven't slept in a week.
You've been kicked out of all the Hannibal Lecter films for shouting pussy and aamateur at the screen.
You spend an unhealthy amount of time on comedy forums.

View original

Some belters in there sooty. Laughed out loud alot at this.

I'll add a few if you don't mind soot. Cracking idea.

You may be a serial killer if....

You've customised your dishwasher to hold knives only.
You feel insulted when people just shout "Murderer".
You put 'kills' on your CV.
You keep toe tags in your toolbox.

You name your daughter "Dexter"
Your prom dress is made from the flesh of your tormentors

Hooray for depraved threads! Thanks for your suggestions, so any of you tick the list?

You May be a serial killer if.

Your local dress material shop is Weight Watchers.
You're the hero of your B&Q
You could write a Which guide to acid resistant bath tubs.
You've had 200 Philipino nannys, but you've got no kids.
Women eh? Can't live with them, no really not at all.
Your rooms vacant sign switches on and off automatically.

Quote: sootyj @ June 4 2009, 2:59 PM BST

Hooray for depraved threads! Thanks for your suggestions, so any of you tick the list?

You May be a serial killer if.

Your local dress material shop is Weight Watchers.
You're the hero of your B&Q
You could write a Which guide to acid resistant bath tubs.
You've had 200 Philipino nannys, but you've got no kids.
Women eh? Can't live with them, no really not at all.
Your rooms vacant sign switches on and off automatically.

View original

Tick the list?

Well do you do anything on the list?

Quote: sootyj @ June 4 2009, 3:14 PM BST

Well do you do anything on the list?

View original

Jesus Christ I'm slow today.

I was looking for some boxes to tick!

Although my rooms vacant sign switches on and off automatically....but I think the batteries could do with changing

You know the way to a woman's heart.
Who you're routing for never seems to win on CSI.
You think there is only one purpose for a steak-knife and it's not steak.

Umm......if you kill a lot of people.

Poor answer! Nestle executives and cholera kill loads of people, but they're not really serial killers.

Quote: bigfella @ June 4 2009, 5:26 PM BST

Umm......if you kill a lot of people.

View original

I think bigfella must have been in the same mood when he wrote that as he was when he was doing his signature.

... you're starting to wonder why there's a copy of your 2-inch-thick alphabetical to-do list in every household.