SCENEAN OLD WAREHOUSE
F/XECHOES, DISTANT WIND AND THE OCCASIONAL WATER DRIP. GENERAL DANKNESS.
MICK
...At 10.30 on the dot the security guard nips round the back for a fly puff. Regular as clockwork he is so Gary that's when me and you grab the bags and make our exit, sharpish.
GARY
Right, gotcha Mick.
MICK
Bobby, you have the motor ready and waiting. We jump in, you floor it and it's back here to the warehouse in time for last orders, alright?
BOBBY
Right. And the alarms will be disabled, yeah?
MICK
Like a one armed juggler.
BOBBY
Okay, good... Seems like a thorough plan... everything appears to be in order. I do have one question, Mick.
MICK
What is it?
BOBBY
Why are we naked right now?
GARY
Are you thinking that too? I thought it was just me.
BOBBY
At first I thought it was part of a bonding thing - you know, all the lads together doing some fun activities.
GARY
Hey, that'd be fun.
BOBBY
Yeah, boxing, tug-of-war...
GARY
Leapfrog!
PAUSE
BOBBY
Maybe not leapfrog. Anyway, there's been no mention of activities.
GARY
So, what's going on Mick?
MICK
Ain't you two plums been paying attention? Ain't you been listening to the plan?
BOBBY
I have been listening. Mick. Believe me, I've been listening very closely - waiting for the part about some new alarm system that can't detect naked man flesh or something but no. (BEAT) To be honest, I doubt such a flawed security system even exists.
GARY
But even if nudity is part of the plan the raid isn't 'til the weekend. It just doesn't make sense to get naked until then. And it's bloody cold in here.
BOBBY
You're right. It's all very well and dramatic having an abandoned warehouse as a hideout but it's not so good if you're cutting about in the scud.
GARY
Tell me about it, my hands are frozen. Feel them.
BOBBY
Ooh, they're like blocks of ice. Nice soft skin though, do you moisturise?
GARY
No, I'm just careful--
MICK
Are you ponces finished? You two should keep in mind who you're dealing with here. I've been in this business since before you two had a ball hair to tug between you. There's nothing I don't know about this game and if I say you get naked you better believe there's a damn good reason for it. Now, either you two do as I say, and stop questioning my methods or I get another couple of monkeys who will.
PAUSE
GARY
Sorry, Mick. I was out of order.
BOBBY
Yeah, sorry. I guess you probably know what you're doing so... you're the boss.
MICK
That's right. I am the boss. So just do what I say and everything will be hunky dory.
GARY & BOBBY
Yes, Mick.
MICK
Good. Now... I'm gonna need you two to just go ahead and rub each other's nipples... while I vigorously polish a pistol beneath this table.
END