INT. DAY. OFFICE.
MAN 1:
What is this incessant bleeping going on round here, is no one doing any work?
MAN 2:
They're all sending each other tweets sir, you've heard of Twitter?
MAN 1:
I think my wife mentioned it. Are these work phones?
MAN 2:
Yes sir, everything is logged. Here's the recent updates. (PAUSE) 'Bill is touching cloth and is going for a crap'.. Peter says 'me too' and David said 'I'm about to evacuate as well'. David sent the next tweet 'I've just shit myself' then Peter sent one saying ' But there's only two cubicles David.'
MAN 1:
Peter is a tad slow, he needs to get his finger out.
MAN 2:
And David needs to get his finger in. (PAUSE) The saga got worse though Sir. Jim sent a tweet saying he got hit on the face with a pair of soiled underpants.
MAN 1:
Jim? Who on earth is he?
MAN 2:
The window cleaner. Lisa was next to update with 'Jim better be clean and tidy when I meet him later.'
MAN 1:
Lisa?
MAN 2:
Your wife sir.
MAN 1:
But she doesn't even work here.
MAN 2:
She was using your phone sir. More updates coming through. Peggy from the canteen says 'chilli con carne for lunch today.' Next is David again with 'your food gives me the shits.' David yet again with 'David has a sore face.'
MAN 1:
This is endemic. How are we going to stop this?
MAN 2:
Hands free?
FX CHAINSAW BEING STARTED.
