The Crazy Gang.

I'm not saying it's ground breaking but I enjoyed writing this.
Hope you enjoy.

INT. LIVING ROOM Natalie and Josh are expecting Josh's mates round for his pre Stag do drinks. Josh is rugger bugger type, Natalie demure. Natalie is about to leave.

NATALIE So you promise me you'll be careful Josh, I know you say I'm silly but everything you tell me about these mates of yours, The Crazy Guys…

JOSH The Crazy Gang!

NATALIE Sorry, the Crazy Gang then, well they just seem like a bunch of nutcases.

JOSH Look Nats, they're a great bunch of chaps just a little wild that's all! When we play, we play hard!

NATALIE Yes but all these stories about the stag night pranks you've played, I'm worried they'll do something horrid to you.

JOSH Baby, if you're gonna give it, you've got to take it back, I'm a big boy , I can handle it, it's gonna be hard-core!

SFX DOORBELL RINGS.

JOSH (CONT'D) It's the boys, oh yeah! Let the carnage commence.

NATALIE Oh dear.

Josh has opened the door and 4 men roar in.

JOSH Bodger! Nutkins! Tank! Minton you old sex case!!

The five of them play grapple on the threshold.

JOSH (CONT'D) Right, guys, this is the little Lady, Natalie, this is Nutkins..

Nutkins extends a hand and Natalie looks aghast as she spies the word CUNT tattooed across his forehead.

NUTKINS A pleasure my Dear! Apologies for the facial art, the old maestro here stitched me right up, Newcastle wasn't it Josh?

JOSH Guilty as charged Sir! Natalie, Bodger.

Bodger hands his jacket to Natalie and she let's out a little shriek as she sees a Penis grafted to his forearm.

BODGER Oh yeah that! One of Josh's more ingenious pranks that one, brilliant eh!

JOSH Oh yes Bodg, those Prague surgeons will do anything for a few bob!

BODGER Ledg!

TANK Burrrrpppp!

Tank shakes Natalie's hand and let's out an enormous belch. He is evidently wearing a Rod Stewart wig glued to his head.

NATALIE H..hello.

JOSH Ignore old tank, he's harmless, still not got it off yet Tankster?

TANK Nah, solvent remover burns the scalp like acid, nothing I can do you old bastard!

NUTKINS One of your best Josh lad!

JOSH And last and certainly least, Minton!

Minton shuffles over and looks a wreck, he shakes and is rake thin.

MINTON Delighted to meet you.

JOSH Mints is a bit wobbly Nats, don't worry, we got him while he was asleep, whose was it Nutkins? Alby's do wasn't it, Reykjavik?

NUTKINS That was the one. Stupid idiot kept falling asleep, so Josh injected him full of Heroin every time, totally addicted by the end of the stag, genius!!

NATALIE Oh my God, Josh, that's obscene.

TANK No, this is obscene (Starts fumbling with his fly)

JOSH Steady on Tank, leave that for the flight old boy!

TANK Furry Muff!

(The boys roar again)

NATALIE Josh, I'm going, just promise me you'll take care, please?

JOSH There's nothing to worry about Nats, these Hombres will take care of me. I'll see you at the church my love pixie. Right Gentlemen, shots I believe!!!

General roaring ensues and Natalie fretfully rushes out.

CUT TO:
EXT. CHURCH. Natalie, with her Father and bridesmaids are outside the church looking very nervous.

FATHER Come on my love, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, it's only 10 minutes. He's pushing it damn fine I'll give him that but I'm certain he'll be here.

NATALIE Oh Papa, I'm just worried that something dreadful's happened to him.

FATHER No, no...aha, here they are, I told you!

A convertible car tears round the corner and up the path to the church. The 5 lads are inside laughing and smiling in their Top Hats and Morning Jackets. Nutkins springs out from the drivers seat.

NUTKINS Voila! One sacrificial Groom to be, as promised (Does a little bow and flourish)

NATALIE Oh God, I'm so relieved

JOSH You're such a silly Nats, I'd not miss this for the world, just had a little problem with the old trousers, right boys, let's get in there!

The lads run round to Josh in the passenger's seat and one on either side, life him bodily out of the car. He is beaming with joy but as he is lifted out we see he has amputated stumps at the end of his chopped off trousers.

JOSH (CONT'D) Ta-da!!! Look what these bloody roisterers did to me Nats! Bloody brilliant. Come on nutters, let's get in there!

Natalie drops in a faint. END

I think this is very funny but is in desperate need of a twist.
We're expecting something to happen to him and it does - no suprise there.
WHAT IF it ends with him arriving at the church intact but it is his bride who is shaved or hideously scarred or something and she says "Bloody Hen Night!"

Obviously the above is not written in a 'comedy style'as yet, but I think it should end in an unexpected way, rather than just an escalation of what we've seen before.

Hey Ho.

This is a brilliant sketch in search for a great punchline (believe it or not, I actually guessed at amputation, though I thought he'd be minus arms too). Luckily Lazzard is on hand with a great idea to end this thing. Just switch the amputation to the bride and you've got a winner of a sketch.

I really enjoyed this one.

Maybe the reveal could be something that you don't notice when he first gets out of the car, and is only evident from behind once they turn to walk into the Church together.

Although I think it works as it is for the most part.

Guys, I so appreciate your comments and help here. I know it sounds wise after the event but there was always a nagging doubt and I think a mental block, that although it bounced along, the ending was always telegraphed and I couldn't think round it. Lazzard, you have nailed it, I think I could have Josh lifted out of the car but, surprise! There is nothing wrong and then switch the big reveal to Natalie and have her perhaps lift the dress and reveal the disfigurement/amputation with the 'Bloody Hen Night' line.

Really great feedback all, many thanks.

It's good and with Lazzard's twist it's great.

I was thinking 'sex change' all the way through.

It's a good sketch but the intro is a little long and the whole legs thing isn't enough of a twist.

I'd say make it a sex change or just have his penis removed.

That's your answer to everything, Sootyj.

All good stuff guys, I think I'll have a little re-write taking everything on board and incorporate Lazzard's twist.

Enjoy your Sunny Sundays, I'm off to pour a Martini and enjoy it in a thrillingly short Kimono.