Classic letter in this week's Viz

My girlfriend watches the Antiques Roadshow and when the theme tune comes on I always sing "my nob, my nob, my nob, my nob, my nob, my nob, my nob, my nob, my noh-hob-hob-hob-hob-hob-hob-hob-hob-hob-hob! My nob, My nob, My nob, My nob, My nob, My nob, My nob, My nob,- please suck my cock till I cuuuuuuuum, please suck my cock till I cuuuuuuuum, please su-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-huh-huh-huh huck my co-ok till I cuuuuum - diddly diddly dee"

I wonder if any other readers singing has led to them living in the camper van in the street?

Sing along with the theme-tune, it's great fun: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhgygVAH6KQ

Not a big fan of Viz at the moment, sent some entries into their Profanisaurus section and a month later they appeared in the magazine with different definitions, was thinking it was a coincidence, but it was more than one.

On the Adam & Joe show they have a thing called song wars.
They write a song each week on a chosen subject.

Joe Cornish did a great a song to the Antiques Roadshow theme tune.
Even Fiona Bruce liked it.

Antiques Roadshow

The letters page is the best bit about Viz nowadays, imo. One of my favourite Viz letters from yesteryear was:

'I wanted to be an engine driver when I grew up and now I am one.'

The Viz Top Tips used to have me in stitches, my three favourites of all time were -

Don't throw out old tooth brushes. I hide mine inside cereal boxes. Makes a great treat for the kids.

Don't spend money on high priced Heli Pads. Just paint a giant H with white paint on your back garden lawn.

Don't shell out high prices for vibrators. Just put an angry wasp in a cigar tube.

Oh happy days.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ May 15 2009, 9:43 PM BST

Don't shell out high prices for vibrators. Just put an angry wasp in a cigar tube.
Oh happy days.

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Otherwise known as the Shettleston Special.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ May 15 2009, 9:43 PM BST

Don't shell out high prices for vibrators. Just put an angry wasp in a cigar tube.

View original

That was my favourite Top Tip ever. Actual wording was: LADIES: An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
(I loved that the wasps have to be angry.)

Two other classics were: HUSBANDS: Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply weeing in the sink.

and EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

Quote: Kenneth @ May 15 2009, 11:37 PM BST

and EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

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Do they still have the little jokes about "things"? You know, they were usually at the bottom of of the Tips page, and the "things" in question were little monsters?

"There has been a lot of television coverage devoted to the subject of transvestites recently. However, I can't help thinking there are enough ugly women in the world without men dressing up as them."

Quote: catskillz @ May 16 2009, 2:05 AM BST

Do they still have the little jokes about "things"? You know, they were usually at the bottom of of the Tips page, and the "things" in question were little monsters?

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'Have you seen this thing in the paper?' was my favourite. Or was that Gary Larson?

A Viz Top Tip of mine was "Ladies! When treating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch."

Another was "Gary Bushell! Sprinkle your buttocks with holy water every night before retiring to bed to ward off homosexual vampires."

I've had a few letters in too over the years. My favourite was;

"If I was Dr Who, I'd have that Billie Piper bent over the Tardis console and given what for before you could say Jack Robinson. Then I'd use my time-twiddling powers to constantly repeat the time I was in the vinegar strokes, keeping me in a delicious state of eternally-looped space-time ecstasy. Do any other readers waste their valuable time dreaming up frankly unlikely sexual scenarios involving timelords and their beaver-faced sidekicks?"

Quote: Lee Henman @ May 16 2009, 12:14 PM BST

I've had a few letters in too over the years. My favourite was;

"If I was Dr Who, I'd have that Billie Piper bent over the Tardis console and given what for before you could say Jack Robinson. Then I'd use my time-twiddling powers to constantly repeat the time I was in the vinegar strokes, keeping me in a delicious state of eternally-looped space-time ecstasy. Do any other readers waste their valuable time dreaming up frankly unlikely sexual scenarios involving timelords and their beaver-faced sidekicks?"

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Cool. What were some of your other Viz letters? If you can remember them?

Can't remember - I've got them in a file somewhere. I'll have a look later

Superb letter Lee.